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Son_Goku says:
Jan 02, 13 01:23
Gilthanas, I don't know exactly what to say, and tbh this isn't exactly easy. But I think I should say something,

especially as 2 friends, umph. On the one hand there's you, on the other hand there's Nuadormrac, who I met up with

sometime latter, and the stink of it is, I enjoyed his company as much as I enjoyed yours; and yet in the end, what I saw,

is what happened with, or should I say what my gut tells me, happened with you. I didn't want to see the same thing all

over again... You, I don't even know where you are, and yet I have my gut sense what my intuition tells me. And if it's

correct, then what might have happened on a final encounter between you and me? might not even have been real, instead it

would have been a case of mistaken identity, of the worst possible kind. There's the time I know we interacted, and

there's another time in retrospect I'm left wondering, which if it was you, I did not know, and waited for you to come back

even after. As for Nuad, I don't even know how to approach him at this point, and don't think it's even possible unless

he's willing to approach first. I wanted to speak to him, when from all indication he was quiting the game for good;

precisely because I saw the possibility for the same sort of thing to happen all over again, but this time with him.

Blows, doesn't it.

And yet, in all of this, I just don't know. Outside my gut sense, and only in hindsight, there's no real way to know.

What I will say, is what I have a bad feeling what might have happened with you, I never wanted to happen with Nuad, and

that is the one and only reason I wanted to speak with him before, well... In any case, as far as things go here, I never

wanted, whatever the hell is up. Nor had I ever really wanted to have to speak as publically as this, but I know of no

other way to say, what sort of needs to be said. If there was any possibility to speak with you privately and directly, I

would have availed myself of it, and posted nothing. I know of no such means, which is even humanly possible... I'll

mention what I knew, when I knew it, leaving my gut sense out of it, until I began to suspect as such.

In the end (back in January 2007), I logged in one day, you were on early, and invited to party the second I came on. We

played for like 12 hours (which wasn't usual for you, as normally you were only on a few hours at a time, and not every

day, I guess since having started a new job). tbh, we had some of the best times up through then, most people wouldn't

even be willing to do the sort of stuff we did together at times, many people just want things way too easy, they want a

rush, what have you, but to actually pull off some of the stuff we did, they'd likely die, then rage, complain to Bliz to

nerf everything, what have you... Which also added up to how things got so ridiculously easy leading up through Wraith, as

many longer time players quite because for them it got too easy to remain fun anymore... I think many just like things

boring, I on the other hand can grow weary of that sort of thing, eventually. And tbh, Anyhow, it was late in the day, you

asked about going to watch a TV show you'd been watching, of course I didn't mind. But there's one thing here, I honestly

believed I'd see you again, sometime latter. In Nuad's case, I believed the same until, well... I really wish you were

around tbh, if at the very least to help understand some of what has transpired, but the honest truth is that if what my

gut tells me, is what had happened, then in the end you had become so incomprehensible, I'm not sure if I'd be able to make

sense of it all, in a million years. Anyhow, you came back on, after an hour, and we played a bit longer, then you were

off for a couple days. I thought nothing at the time, knew you were busy, and honestly believed that you'd be back. In

retrospect, I guess you knew you were going to be gone for awhile, and wanted to get together ahead of time, hence that

day, but then, I never suspected as such, then.

It was, you mentioned you were busy, could only be on an hour, but you'd have longer the following day, and then, you

basically told me you'd have to go for awhile, though it wasn't until the following day that you mentioned a trip you were

about to take. The following day, your brother's car broke down, you asked if I minded if you pick him up, and said it

wouldn't be until the following week you were going on a trip, so we could do something that weekend. But I never saw you,

until about 3 weeks latter. Even then, I never suspected the turn of events that seems to have occured.

Coming back, you mentioned getting snowed in, you were sick of the snow, I gather were a week late returning to work

because of it, and would need to do laundry or you'd have no clothes for work the following day, so would have to go in an

hour. Once again, I was happy to see you, enjoyed doing stuff with you, and as I said before, honestly believed I'd see

you latter, you even said as such, pretty much, telling me "see you tommarrow"... But, I don't know, in the end, you kept

saying good night, wasn't logging, and it's almost as if either you didn't want to get off, but knew you had to, or as if

you wanted to say something, but couldn't summon the words. And so you kept saying good night, then stood there silent for

a long time after, then same thing, etc. The only other thing you told me, is that you'd be on tomarrow. I figuring I'd

see you again was like "cya", not thinking anything of it. The only thing is, the thought did cross my mind for whatever

reason, I can't even guess why; to tell you that I don't know who your alts are. It seemed rather random, even though I

did mention a guy I was playing in your absense, over the previous hour), and just brushed it aside and thought nothing of

it. It didn't seem important, and only in retrospect might saying something, have averted what my gut tells me had

happened. Perhaps it was intuition on my own part, that prompted me, but please understand that if such was the case, it

was nothing I was conscious of... Then, it seemed random and unimportant, I had every reason to believe we'd see each

other the following day, so brushed it aside. I wish (now) I hadn't, but there you go. Only in hind sight could I

possibly have known that if I would have mentioned this, as it crossed my mind, that perhaps, just maybe, you wouldn't have

been left with the belief that I'd recognize you on some guy, I certainly had no awareness of, at the time. The truth is

Gilthanas, maybe, at some level of consciousness, I MIGHT have had some sense of something. I really can't make heads of

tails why I thought to tell you that, then and there. But whatever the case might have been, I was never, if I had been, I

was not in the least bit conscious of it. If I sensed something, which promted me to say something then and there, in my

outer mind, I had no awareness of it, whatsoever.

The following day, I never saw you. Days went into weeks, and from what I knew, weeks into months. And the whole time I

waited for you. The above, is the last time I had ever run into you, that I can be certain of. Anything after, is more a

hunch, then anything I can demonstrate, on a rational basis, one way or the other. You did however, ask the wrong question

that night. That night you asked why I was playing a guy on a different realm when you were on the realm we were both on.

What you should have asked is why I was playing elsewhere WHEN YOU WERE GONE. In large part, I remember all too well how

in vanilla, there were zones you did I hadn't, and zones I did you hadn't. Here we were wanting to get together together

and do something, and our quest logs were so out of sync with each other's, we couldn't find something we could both do

together, without having to thottbot everything and try to figure out who needed to do what, to pick up where the other

left off, so we could find something we could do together. We kept having to spend time thottboting all the respective

quest chains and what not, just so we could find something we could do together, when no doubt we were both rather wishing

we could just do something. But collectively, we had done most everything, and there wasn't much left.. It's the reason I

rolled the warrior, so I'd have something to do, when you were off, without well running out of stuff we could do together

(due to playing through content on my main). It's the same reason you and I decided not to go through the dark portal

before we both could, together. And it's the reason I was on a different guy (and at times even on a different realm),

largely to pass the time by, while leaving stuff we could do, without us having to try to web search all the quest lines

again, so we could coordinate our logs enough to be able to find something, one or the other of us hadn't already done...

I wasn't there because your guy was on the same realm as me; I was there because with a new expansion, and once again stuff

we could do (as we had wanted previously), I didn't want to play everything through, before we could do the stuff together

;) I was mucking with a guy on another realm precisely because you WERE NOT AROUND those few weeks. I did check back time

to time though. In any case, and with you back the one day, but not seeing you since, I waited for you to come back; and

as the days turned into weeks, and even months, I went from finding stuff to do on other guys, to more or less waiting for

you to come back. We're talking many weeks by now... By this point, I pretty much sat around the inn in Honor Hold the

whole time, and did really nothing at all. I was waiting for you ;)

I hit 64 within less then a week or so of the expansion comming out, when we were both knocking the stuff up, and then I

sat there until April. Finally our guild got on my case about it, told me to level already, we needed people to be ready

for kara, and some flat out said "just level already, if Gilthanas hasn't come back yet, he's quit the game and isn't

comming back". I finally did, and THE DAY, I hit 70, the very instant I showed up in Azeroth to begin the kara attunement,

it was like I had a whole bunch of new "best friends" all ready to beg for rushes and stuff. People I never heard from

before with "can you kill my wolves for me, it's too hard, I need a 70 to kill everything for me...", every fricken 30

seconds, for days every time I logged in. I don't know, I never had those sorts of problems with people at the 60 cap, on

either of my prior 60s. It became relentless and never ending, and from more then just a few. Hell, those who beg for

gold constantly, aren't as bad as that. No those people beg for one's time, and expect one to level their character for

them, so they don't have to lift a finger to do anything at all. OMFG, it was ridiculous... I had people fearing and

doting elite mobs when I was soloing (on another realm) some quest, and then getting mad at me for not "saving them" when

they died. Then it'd be like "you wanted me to die, how dare you not save me", as I kept moving to another area, to get

away from what he was doing. I was like "nah, I'm just trying to do a quest here", and his reply "you see, you wanted me

to die because I was trying to make it so you can't get any mobs. How dare you" wtf? That wasn't even the worst of it,

and in your absense, it was relentless and never ending. Far worse then what I saw prior to the expansion, far worse then

what I saw in the 10 years prior that I had gamed online, even in other MMOs like Everquest. I was shocked, tbh.... Hell

I'd played this game for over half a year back then, without any of this, back in I guess you could say the good old

days.... And then to all that, came all the gold sellers, the spam bots, and spam bots that PST'd every fricken 15

seconds, under a trillion different names, all meant to get around any form of ignore.... Spam sentry worked on that,

until the decision was made to not allow addons to do batch reporting of spam.... Of course all of that, including their

answer to bliz's patch changes on restricting gold sellers, got an immediate response (only worked 6 hours before the

farmers found a work around), they'd insta invite from level 1s, and if you accepted start flooding you in party chat with

gold selling spam. Sites like Peons4hire, and the like were springing up to spam people's chat boxes like crazy. In the

time since I had last saw you (at least that I know of and can be certain about), things had gone to the crapper in that

regard, in a big way...

Even leveled, I was hoping, and waiting to see you again, and finally the guild master clearing out long time AFK's got to

your name. He PST'd me, and told me that he'd have to kick you for being off a long time. He avoided it the prior month,

because he knew we were friends, but longtime AFKs are supposed to be removed. I told him I understood, and do as he must,

and then he kicked you. The weekend went by, another friend asked if you ever came back. And IT WAS AT THAT POINT, I

started to get a bad gut sense, about it all. I told him everything, what happened in March from what some people were

doing, how I re-logged to get away from it, a strange encounter I still couldn't/can't make sense of, what was going on,

who I thought it was, and then asked "what if it was Gilthanas, that last time, and I simply mistook him for someone else?

I never could make sense of that encounter, but felt increasingly uncomfortable as it all progressed, especially after all

that happened just before, and the nonsense for which I was relogging, to try to get away from..." Now before logging,

someone was mounted, and AFK, like at the maximum distance one could see on the screen, facing a different direction

entirely. I went after Ursius actually (which was an elite then), a bit after waiting to see if he would do anything, nope

he went AFK, and when this elite was 50% dead, he rode up on his mount, screaming and cursing that I "stole his mob", umm

he wasn't even near it and was afk for a bit, and only after I had the thing largely killed, did he come back, approached

me, and just flew off the handle that anyone should have started killing it while he was away. I tollerated his mouth for

about a half hour, when I finally told him "ok, that's enough. You can go f- off now". He said far more, and with a hell

of a lot more foul language then that, for an entire half hour, but replied with "oh you told me to go f- off now, that's a

banneable offense. I'm going to report you. I just love getting people in trouble" and returned to cursing and screaming

as he had been doing all along.

Not long after, and with this person still running their mouth, of course this was all in PSTs, I got a communication from

a GM that a complaint was registered, and they would investigate, but I never heard anything else of it from them. This

other individual was still screaming their head off... Whatever happened, bliz chose to take no action at least wrt me,

though and no doubt if they investigated the chat logs, all this other person had been saying before and after would also

have been discovered by them... But at that point, I had had it, was quite fed up, and just wanted to get away. I wasn't

familiar with the term griefing at the time, then, but this is exactly what this person was doing to me, and now getting a

GM when they were griefing me, because I finally said something in response... I relogged to get away from it all, and

that's when, I don't know it didn't make sense, but I expected more of the same, and didn't want to deal with too much

more, then. I had already had it after just over a half hour of that crap... But I asked this other fiend, "what if who I

ran into after relogging was Gilthanas on some character I'm not even aware of, and it wasn't what I thought it was?" That

for me was the worst. He said "well if Gilthanas never told you it was him, it wouldn't have been your fault", it didn't

make me feel any better in the least. :o :( You know also what bothered me, wrt hearing the bit from bliz, after that
Son_Goku says:
Jan 02, 13 01:19
person did all that (aside from his griefing, but at that time I wasn't even familiar with the term griefing, untl much

latter); it wasn't whether or not Bliz might do something, even with this person having said and done all that. It was

that if they would, it would mean we couldn't meet up again, because then it would be I who wouldn't have been able to get

on a character you would be familiar with. Of course, they never had, and beyond that original communication from them, I

never heard anything about it, after. Even after I got back from dinner, I still waited for you, having at that time,

never thought you might have been, one and the same. I took whoever I ran into after relogging to get away from the above

mentioned encounter, as someone else; having neither believed nor even imagined it could have been you who showed up after

I had endured all of that, from whoever else, on a char that for me was completely unrecognized. It was only after you

were gone for months, having never relogged (as the guild master also noted when they PSTed me), that it hit me, this might

well have been what happened, and why I had not seen you again.

What happened from there, is it was getting late, and I was getting quite tired. My legs were also beginning to bother me.

tbh, a few years prior I had ended up with a blood clot in my lower right leg, which I had to go to the hospital and was

treated for. A few times since (not so much in recent years), it had swollen up, and I went to the hospital again first

time it happened, they looked and determined it was not another clot, but because of the first one the valves in the vein

wasn't left undamaged, so there could some reocurrances such as this. It's for the most part faded away over the years,

but it felt like my leg was about to experience that once again. I went into my bedroom, logged down, and figured I would

shoot an in game mail off to you, asking you about this, explaining what was going on then, who I thought I was dealing

with after relogging, and then going to ask you if this had been you or not, as I got a gut sense I should do, then...

A few hour latter, and waking up, I can't explain it really, but I had what I can't reeally describe other then as a

certain sense of inner knowing, for lack of a better term, that it was you, and yet for the life of me I couldn't

understand how. It was like "how could that be, if he rolled a character with his schedule, he never could have leveled

something that fast. Doesn't make sense", but my gut sense was matter of factly, it was, well upon waking up. I really

can't explain it, anymore then that. I logged in, to ask, as I was about to do before going to sleep, and your character

was gone, it was then too late. Mystified how it could be, and having lost my appetite then, it hit me many days latter.

I remembered you had a character, which looked similar, which you showed me once, but only once and for all of a minute or


It was the night after we met up, we did some stuff for a few hours, then you asked me if you could help someone with

something, that you had promised them. For whatever reason, I don't know why, you relogged. You said "this is another one

of my characters, but I don't really play him anymore". Then you went off, did whatever, we PST a bit over the next couple

minutes, then you said good night, logged, and I never saw it again. Gilthanas, I thoroughly forgot the thing ever even

existed, and if it was one and the same would not have recognized it. Even then, and to this day, I do not remember the

name, and doubt I ever will. We, never did anything together, while you were on it, and at the time you told me you don't

play him anymore. At the time, my friends list was chock full because another friend kept rolling alts (I had mentioned as

such to you in the days to come), and as one couldn't add accounts, I was actually concerned about my friends list getting

full, having no idea what the limit on it was. I knew in Diablo II, one coudln't add more then 25 names, and I was already

up to like 20 or so... I didn't add it, because of that, and because I never expected to see an unplayed char again...

Understand, we had just met up the night before then. I was actually aware of you when you joined the guild the month

before, but you were 42, I was 30, we were out of level range, and never really spoke until there was stuff we could

actually do together, tbh. I had fun with you the night before then, looked forward to meeting up with you again; but AT

THAT TIME, we had not yet become the friends we were to then become. We became friends over time, and the night you logged

onto that thing, was before all of that had come to pass. I did not remember the thing, to this day can't even recollect a

name, and in the 5 months had so thoroughly forgotten about it, I didn't even know such a char existed, and so took it as a

completely seperate individual, who I saw/understood in the context of what was going on then. If my gut is right, and

this is what happened, I mistook you, for this other person or someone like them, who I relogged trying to get away from.

That, more then having been griefed, is perhaps the worst part of it all...

The worst part isn't simply that you're gone, it's how it might have happened, and whether you might have been left

believing that I hated you, and wanted you to go away (in which case you'd be thinking you're fulfilling my wishes in all

of this), after all that had been said, and all we had done together. That is the worst, as is the fact, that if such

occured, I can't even set the record straight on that. Sadly, the only other char I knew of which you had, was a lock you

created by the name of Ryald, as you created it when I created my shammy so we could level them together. Other then

appearing on a char I would recognize, the only real way I could know if someone was you or not, would be if you would tell

me that it is you. Sorry, but I'm not omniscient, and can't just guess. Even if my gut sense was correct in this, I can't

explain it, and would not be conscious enough of it, that I could just make it work for me on a whim... Unless something

is communicated, how could I know, on something I had never seen before? But that, was the worst of it all...

As far as Nuadormrac would be concerned, it would be infinitely more simple, because there wasn't such a turn of

events/possible turn of events? I had as much fun with him, as I had with you, he was as pleasant to be around and do

something with, as you had been. But when he told me he was quiting the game, I took it at face value and never questioned

the sincerity of what he was saying. I figured he was done with it, and would never be back. But I also had a gut sense,

that I would see him, at some time, in the future. What I could see, is what my gut suggests had happened with you, and I

didn't want to see this happen with him also. The idea of meeting up, never recognizing each other, and having things go

as sour as what I described above. Not again :eek: I wanted to speak with him, to prevent such a thing from happening, if

that is what could occur sometime latter. It was bad enough, if you Gilthanas, and I might have met up as such, without

having ever known it was you, if things had in fact gone that way. I didn't want it to go down as such with him as well.

And that is why I wanted to speak with him, before such could come to pass. But Gilthanas, if this is what had happened

with you, you had me rather confused tbh. I can't make sense of it myself. I'm not sure how to approach someone, with something, like this :o
Son_Goku says:
Oct 02, 08 17:38
Gilthanas, against the backdrop of what I mentioned; much of which was pro-logue, this is what happened that night, least from my end of things. I can not imagine how it was for you; having a good friend even inadvertently end up telling you what was said, but please understand that for me it hadn\'t even happened for many months as I kept waiting for you to come back.rnrnWhen you were on the one night after comming home from your trip, the last words you said were that you had some laundry to do or you wouldn\'t have cloathes for work the following day. I guess you wanted to spend more time together, but time didn\'t allow. I didn\'t want to tie you up, though the idea DID cross my mind that I should inform you that I don\'t know any of your alts (though least to my outer awareness it was wrt your horde alt as I had told you about the guy I was lvling on the horde realm). It seemed out of place, and random wrt anything, no way it could have fit into a conversation; and how the hell was I to know that telling you that, at that moment might have been the one thing that could have been said which would have prevented all that transpired between us since? One would almost have to be prophetic (something I do not claim to be) to have known \"you better say this now, or next time you see him, you won\'t know, and everything will fall apart from there\". It doesn\'t even seem fair, or just tbh that it all turned out that way.rnrnIn any case, I was happy to see you, some of the not so good I hadn\'t told you about (much of which was yet to happen also) didn\'t even seem to matter, not when we were together, and you told me you\'d be on tomarrow. I didn\'t want to hold you up, even if you wanted to spend more time together, you had things to do, etc... So I said good night, and ignored or pushed aside the kinda unconscious suggestion that I should have told you this, about your alts and my unawareness as to who they are, then.rnrnThe following day had come and gone, I had been on from time to time, but never saw you. I didn\'t want to play through all of outland without you, so left my hunter. And as my warrior approached the point where I\'d have to do re-do every quest we did together, I didn\'t want to play him much either, not knowing what was going on. I went to the other realm.rnrnBy and by, I had one bad experience after another. Things such as going to quest on my horde guy in stormgarde keep (this was when it was still elite mobs); and one lock came in after me, grabbed all the mobs, and started fearing them into each other. I wanted no part of it, so kept going over to another corner (hell, an ogre is an ogre, if it was on this side of the enclosure or another), but he\'d follow DoTing and fearing everything. These were elites like 3 lvls higher then the lock.rnrnWith 20 running all over, the lock died. Instead of just taking it, he got mad AT ME, and started yelling that I must want him dead, and I didn\'t save him, blah, blah, blah. Umm, excuse me? What he was doing was kinda retarded for people around either of our lvls, and I didn\'t want to step in harms way around someone so blatantly suicidal. I went away from his equivalent of fearing an entire instance type thing, and got mobs that were safer to deal with.rnrnI told him, it wasn\'t like that, I just want to do my quest, so am going after mobs that can be safely killed. This person, completely beligerent is then like \"see? You\'re wanting me dead because I\'m trieing to make it so you can\'t quest. You should save me. I died because you didn\'t, blah, blah, blah\" OMFG!rnrnThat was just one of many things which I was being subject to, day in and day out, over the couple weeks or whatever it was you were away since you had told me \"I\'ll be on tomarrow\". On top of some real world stuff, of which I mentioned just before, I didn\'t want to deal, or associate with it just then. tbh, I wanted to get back together with you. I also wanted my life back; but that\'s another thing altogether, and not something either of us could really have done anything about then and there. But anyhow, instead of being able to spend time with my friend, as I was getting on to get away from some harsh realities, I bet people like that one dude probably has not either imagined or faced himself, and then got...rnrnI relogged back to aman\'thul completely frustrated with that sorta thing (and other stuff which happened much more recently), and instead of getting away from it, the sorta thing just seemed to follow (it really hadn\'t, different people, but...)rnrnThis is the point, where you would have met me again, not a good place at all, and worse yet as you appeared random, and were sorta \"in the wrong place, at the wrong time\" if you catch my drift. Without my having any idea who you were, you caught me at my worst, with a million and one things going on that I was trying to get away from, and was fed up with, of which you really didn\'t know, nor could you have. I had already been pushed way too far, repeatedly, and by both life circumstances many haven\'t even had to face before, AND by a number of jerks, one right after another, as I just kept \"sucking it up\" again and again, try to walk away from it, but then, over and again. This is the point you unknowingly stepped into it; and the exact same point I did not recognize you as the character was completely unknown to me at the time.rnrnAt that instant, and already relogging to get away from another one of those things, I decided to try to solo king banga on my warrior. I\'ll recap this for you a little, and I think you can probably relate.rnrnYou might remember the times we spent together, where we took on a number of mobs, situations in game, whatever that technically and according to some we shouldn\'t have been able. And much of the time, we \"owned it\", or if we got our arses handed to us, came back and turned the tables on it. You probably will remember the number of things we soloed, which perhaps we shouldn\'t have been able. I for instance took dragonkin menace at 51, after you had done it at 52; actually and t hen not sure if I was going to see you again or not (mentioned this earlier here), determined to prove that I can. Well, here\'s the thing:rnrnOn the horde realm, I had practically soloed king banga at about lvl 40 or so, but of course some people argue \"well it\'s easier for hunters; they need to be nerfed, blah, blah, blah\". Well one person on thott mentioned they did this on their warrior; and as a seldom argued OP class; some would say that\'s saying something.rnrnOK, so that day, I wanted to test myself and prove that I could do the same ;) I must say, it wasn\'t as easy as the person posting made it sound (it required a precise timing of when to pop cooldowns, what consumables to take, and when, order, etc); but in the end I had pulled it off. Unfortunately, and without ever knowing it at the time, I ended up losing your friendship it would seem in the midst; completely unaware this is what had happened, and with you obviously thoroughly convinced that I MUST HAVE KNOWN what I never did.rnrnWhile I was going after it, I had a number of people take my kill (you know, I really do hate ninjas at times; and this really has nothing to do with you... I\'ve had more then my fair share, and when one\'s trying to get away, and already relogging due to some really troublesome people, there comes a point where it\'s kinda like \"oh no, not again Just leave me alone, why does this have to follow me here too\"... And notice I say this; as there\'s no way accross realms it could be the same individuals...rnrnFrustrated and already fed up; I mentioned something in STV general chat. Someone, and I have no idea who that was as to best of my knowledge a random, commented, and he and I ended up discussing it some.rnrnNow this person (looking back) might have been you, or it might have been someone else. Either way, I don\'t know, as the name was unknown to me; but the character that approached me latter was also an unknown char. Mind you, if it was one and the same, it\'s not a connection that was ever drawn, and if it was coincidence, there you go.rnrnSo I\'m in general chat, discussing this with the person (as I will sometimes wen lvling, especially in STV pre-mount days, as there\'s little else to do when running around such a large zone pre-mount days, and running anywhere takes ages). I wait for the conversation to be done, before returning to the quest.rnrnNow there is a reason for this. Notice how I mentioned I many times will chat in gen chat when running around, whatever. However on quests that require my concentration (and soloing an elite mob, some 2-3 lvls ABOVE one can require concentration), I tend to tune it out, and concentrate on what I\'m doing. Largely because at that moment chat would be a distraction, and it\'s hard to pay attention to what one\'s doing, when it requires this much focus and concentration, if one\'s chatting and all as well.rnrnNotice by similar token how for instance during a raid, one might chat a little on trash, but get to the boss and if someone PST\'s them, it\'s like \"sorry I\'m raiding\". Reason is, \"we\'re on a difficult boss now, I need to focus, I\'ll need to get back to you when we\'re done\"... Exactly that sort of thing. Of course this is taking into account lvl, class, and soloing the thing as such...rnrnAfter this happens (more then once mind you), on the last time I see banga lieing dead in front of me. I turned around to see if I could catch the person responsible (this was when I was going after the thing), and I only saw one character. Unfortunately, as it would turn out, it was your character, BUT I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS YOUR CHARACTER AS IT LOOKED NEW AND COMPLETELY UNKNOWN TO ME.rnrnAt this point, and now having really had it (and not just for this alone, but add everything that had happened before, which I was constantly walking away from, before I even finally mentioned something in general chat), and finally spoke up. What ended up happening Gilthanas, is you got my reaction to EVERYTHING which had been transpiring, and not that one thing only. The whole time, with me taking you for another one of these harassing game players, more then I\'d care to innumerate, having approached me one right after another around the time you were away. None of it was meant for you, but then again I didn\'t know it was you...rnrnSo I started demanding (after time and again, and accross multiple realms having walked away, tail between legs) \"why did you do that\", as I mentioned I hate you (which was NOT personally meant for you, but was more a general ALL YOU FRICKEN HARASSING GAME PLAYERS). But in any case, the last one (or so I thought) ended up getting the brunt of it for what all had done in the recent past. I had no idea, and it did not even cross my mind then, that it was you.rnrnThe reply was then \"I can\'t believe what you just told me\". Here\'s the deal Gilthanas, for one brief moment, the thought did cross my mind \"WHAT IF it is Gilthanas\"; but it did NOT cross my mind that it was you.rnrnFor that moment, however brief it was, I scrolled back up, and was looking for evidence which would suggest one way or another, if this was you or not. I hadn\'t found any, scrolling back to the moment in the chat lag, from which this encounter began and the first words were spoaken between us right when I turned around and saw this char.rnrnI ended up asking (to put it mild), who is this; tbh looking to find one way or another if it was you, or the stranger I understood it to be from the very start. This is the moment where had I found any indication, any proof, anything that could have convinced me it was you, things could have turned around for the better; and after mentioning who I thought I was dealing with, we could have done whatever.rnrnThis isn\'t what happened however. Having had enough, and not wanting to deal with it; I mentioned how I really didn\'t want to deal with this, and more to the point with the sort of people I mistook this encounter for, and how I really only wanted to see Gilthanas. This character jumped up and down a bit, and then I WAS CONVINCED IT COULD NOT BE YOU. Obviously mistaken it would seem, but there was a reason for this. Remember the time we were playing together and that one guy kept jumping over you on a mount? You were like \"what is it with this guy? Is he a fag or something?\" You didn\'t want to party with him, or really associate in any way... But in the end you asked what I thought, and if we should. You finally said \"well perhaps he could be useful\" or something to that effect.rnrnKnow, that with such experiences with you, it just didn\'t seem like \"the sort of thing you would do\", at least the impression I was left with; and in part why as this was all going on I was thinking \"no, Gilthanas wouldn\'t do that\". Before all was said and done, I was CONVINCED it had to be someone else. What\'s more, as this was dragging on, I was growing increasingly more uncomfortable with both the encounter and the entire situation. tbh, standing there, in the midst of this; someone presuming to tell me how I would feel, how they can\'t believe it is what I said, and a stranger of all things, kinda creeped me out a little. I doubt it was your intention; but umm, yeah... The whole time, it was also like \"how does this stranger, who just did..., presume to tell me how I would feel, or whether I would mean whatever. If they don\'t know me...\" I had not really pieced it together that it was you; if if the thought at lvl of intution \"what if it is Gilthanas\" was any kind of suggestion; it never reached the lvl of indication to tell me, matter of factly, that this was the case.rnrnConvinced as I was, that it couldn\'t be you; it left things where they were, with what I took to be a harassing game player, with a re-itteration of what was first said. But now I had grown weary of the entire situation and just didn\'t want to be in the midst of it anymore. Wanting to be done with it, and now being really \"creeped out\", I ended up saying to the stranger I thought you were \"don\'t you ever bother me again\". And the reply I got was \"don\'t worry, I won\'t\" as the person walked away.rnrnGilthanas, I never wanted you to go away, let along forever; but this is in effect what got communicated. I did not know it was you, I did not recognize you, and i thought it was someone else; in particular one of these other people I was having to deal with for days on end; when I was trying to get away from other problems IRL, but instead kept running into the sorta stuff online which I mentioned. What\'s more, IF I KNEW IT WAS YOU, I NEVER WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY, OR TO \"NEVER BOTHER ME AGAIN\". I didn\'t know.rnrnAnd in the midst of all this, the fact that this is exactly what was happening never got communicated. Not once, did I know it was you, this was all happening with. Not once; and that\'s the thing that really gets me, and the thing I will never understand... Why would you willingly go along with this, without so much as ever bothering to tell me \"hey, it\'s me\" The reply \"I can\'t believe what you just told me\" really doesn\'t mean much comming from an unknown person; comming from you would be a different thing BUT, it had never got effectively communicated that it was you. I didn\'t even piece that little bit together FOR MONTHS, as I kept waiting for you to come back, THE ENTIRE TIME believing that nothing bad had happened between us, and having never drawn a connection between this one night, and you.rnrnThe thought crossed my mind as this person walked away to PST/ask \"who are you?\", but I decided to drop it, not really wanting anymore confrontation.rnrnI finished the quest/killed banga, as I had planned on soloing him then, then went to dinner as I originally had plans to. When I came back, I STILL WAITED FOR YOU, not even having thought or imagined that you had been there. In my mind, you never were.rnrnI can\'t imagine how it was for you, having received/heard this from me, and I\'m sorry. But in all honesty, for me, it hadn\'t happened, and for months it simply was never so, I thought this was someone else that one night, all along.rnrnIt was the day before your Gilthanas character disappeared from realm, I ended up mentioning to Garakton, when he asked if you ever came back or something of the sort \"no, something is wrong. I don\'t know what it is, but something is wrong.\" Then I had a terrible thought, what if it was you that night. I went to send in-game mail, asking, and if it was explain what had happened and who I thought this character was, but that night I was tired and needed sleep.rnrnWhat\'s more, my leg was really bothering me (as it has from time to time, since I had to go to the hospital for a blood clot in the leg, and it\'s acted up on occassion since I got treated for that). I had an extremely uneasy night\'s sleep, didn\'t sleep well at all, bad dreams, etc. I woke up, and your character was gone. Somehow, I just knew it was you; in a way I can not even begin to explain. It was sorta like \"inner knowing\", as strange as that might sound.rnrnHowever, I couldn\'t understand how it could be. It was like \"even if Gilthanas had created a char, he couldn\'t have got it to lvl to be there, in just 2 weeks. Somehow I know it was him; but it seems impossible, how could it be?\" It didn\'t seem logical to me, and my outer mind questioned how it could even be, but it\'s as if my inner mind, just knew...rnrnAt this point, I was devastated. For days, I didn\'t eat, much at all. I also didn\'t sleep much; and tbh I really didn\'t want to eat or sleep then. But I was also confused, not knowing how things could possibly be, what I was \"knowing within\" for lack of a better word, to have been the case. It hit me about a week latter, you had this character you showed me the second night after we met. You told me \"this is another one of my characters, but I don\'t really play him anymore\", and \"in my mind\'s eye\", I \"saw\" in visual memory that they looked identical. The name, I have no idea. I never remembered the name of the thing.rnrnIt was done; and unless you understand, I have lost one of the best friends I\'ve ever had, in some of the most messed up circumstances imaginable. Illusion, that\'s what it is that came between us. There was no reality to any of it; but...rnrnYou believe I would have known, I couldn\'t have. You know Gilthanas? Against the backdrop of your belief that I must have known the unknowable; and the laws of physics that make it impossible for me to have seen; it would be hard to explain to you just how I feel. The human body, the human condition feels a bit like a prison house if you will. A prison of flesh and bone, which we are bound to and confined within.rnrnI am not the one who unilaterly decided what the bounds of habitation for human beings are. I am not the one who decided, unilaterly what the limits of the human mind, and body would be; but because of them, and because the human condition doesn\'t allow one to do and to know, what you seem to expect I must have been able to... Why? Why should I be punished by having lost one of my best friends, because I live within the confines, the \"bounds of habitation\" common to the human species? :(
Son_Goku says:
Sep 24, 08 18:28
Too much had been left unsaid; and he was a real friend, perhaps soul mate though I hesitate to say the word because in becomming popularized, the term is rather lacking in meaning anymore it would seem. There\'s also the fact he THOUGHT he was doing what I wanted, but it was a farce, then the realm \"became full\".rnrnHe might have tried to appear again, at least a couple times I got spoofed, when there was someone who might have looked like that char was just standing there. Could have been coincidence, but I almost got a feeling as if I saw a ghost, and was more scared away without thinking. Even if it was however, I still can\'t remember a name.rnrnAnother problem. When he was away due to some financial problems of his own, I remembered the times we had together BECAUSE I WAS RE-LIVING THEM WHEN I LVLED ANOTHER CHAR. But he got the mistaken idea, and specifically suggested in a form of a question \'so you remember everything?\". I told him that I remember WHAT WE HAD DONE. But, IN NO WAY, did that mean I remembered every word that was ever spoaken, every name that ever came to me in passing... In retrospect, he acted this day as if I should know, or should remember. I could not. And yet, before this, I didn\'t wish to disillusion him, so left some things unsaid. Truth is, if the tables were turned, he couldn\'t have remembered himself, and would have to acknowledge that he forgets things himself (and has even suggested as such). But somehow, it\'s almost as if he assumes my memory must be perfect? How could this be, and how could I ever live up to such an assumption or expectation? I can\'t, for the life of me fathon why he would assume this, or hold me to it. And short of that, it would have taken a mind reader or psychic (something I have not claimed to be), to have known it was him.rnrnHe assumed, and even had commented that \"I would always be around\", suggesting I\'m always there when he is. Truth is actually kind of different, and again I didn\'t wish to dis-illusion him.rnrnOne week after Gilthanas and I played together for the first time, my father had a stroke. What I had not known then, and didn\'t know until after I recently moved is HE DIDN\'T HAVE TO HAVE A STROKE. ACCORDING TO THE DOCTORS, HE DID IT TO HIMSELF. Essentially he has an irregular heart beat, and also has had several bypass operations. Due to all of this, he was on blood thinners. He had a bit of internal bleeding due to a prostate condition, but instead of contacting the doctor (this was before he knew it was his prostate), he self diagnosed and just stopped taking his blood thinner altogether. A blood clot formed in his heart.rnrnAfter this, and about a month latter he decided to start taking it again. The doctors think the sudden shock of it, dislodged the clot from his heart, and sent it directly to his brain, causing a massive stroke. My father wasn\'t cognizant at the time, but he was told, and my mother was told that if he would have gone to the doctor, they could have diagnosed the prostate problem, without risk of the forming clot. In essense, he didn\'t have to have a stroke, if he would have sought medical attention instead of quiting his heart medication.rnrnBefore Gilthanas and I met, and up till 1 week after, I had a rather active life. I was going to 2 colleges concurently, was going to the gym for several hours most days, and also was taking Tai Chi. I also went out, and did stuff rather regularly. This is not something Gilthanas could have ever known. What he knew of was my life after this, without really knowing.rnrnIt was for that week, a little difficult in the sense that I enjoyed playing with him (we had just met, and were developing into friends), but also had a rather active life also. I was trying to work it so for instance I could get to the gym at times he wasn\'t on, so I could still meet up with him; but fact is, I wasn\'t on all as much then.rnrnThen the whole bit with my father struck, and that day, and driving home from class, I had a bad, gut feeling. Something was bothering me, and I felt ill at east, but I didn\'t know about what. My mother tried to get ahold of me sometime after I came home (about 2 hours or so after I arrived home, I got the ill at east feeling as I was on the road, driving home), and told me about the stroke. That he did it to himself, by being rather negligent with his medicine I wasn\'t told until about a month ago. Instantly, things went down hill, I had to drop out of school, look for a job in a ailing economy, and had to find ways to stretch every dollar. That meant staying home (what Gilthanas came to think of as I\'d always be on whenever), and what I think he had come to take for granted. Truth is, it was a situation that had to be, for financial reasons, and one that would not continue after getting a job, and getting things back together.rnrnSo for me, I was rather in the moment, enjoying the time we had as we were together, and even for instance getting take out, so we could have some time together as his schedule picked up. But from statements he made, it was as if he always thought that was eternal or something? Fact is, I wouldn\'t just drop dinner plans for anyone (for instance that night when Gilthanas was on his alt I didn\'t recognize, I was hungry and planned on getting dinner), and I KNEW that getting a job and getting my life together, I\'d have a schedule also, and time out.rnrnIt\'s kinda like, I enjoy being with him, would like to see him more then he probably even believes would be so; but that doesn\'t mean I wouldn\'t want to be able to do things also (which finances didn\'t allow). I knew that at any moment, I might not even be able to afford my phone bill, and could end up offline, and gone, but always assumed it would be harsh circumstances PULLING ME AWAY. Gilthanas assumed otherwise, and I didn\'t want to disillusion him.rnrnIn January 2007, I had some job apps out, which didn\'t go through. If one had, I would have told him about an upcomming work schedule, and put this in some perspective; but as they didn\'t, I waited figuring I could tell him when it arose. I didn\'t want to hit him with some harsh realities of what was really going on.rnrnStupid as I must have been; I never pieced it together when he was there end of January, and we spent the day together. He told me days latter that he\'d be going on a trip \"a week Saturday\", but he also suggested he\'d be on after. Last thing he mentioned days after this, is that his brother\'s car broke down, he needed to pick him up; thought nothing of anything here, bye, cya latter.rnrnI hadn\'t seen him for 2.5 weeks, and then he was on for an hour. THE THOUGHT SPECIFICALLY HAD CROSSED MY MIND TO TELL HIM THAT I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HIS ALTS WERE, though in reference to a horde one he suggested he had. I thought the thought was out of the blue, and irrelavent, and did not. He just got home after being snowed in, had laundry to do for work, had to go anyway, and it seemed totally senseless to just suddently tell him I have no idea who his alts are. I could not have known, that if I had said that then; he would have known and...rnrnI mean come on, if that was my gut, intution, or whatever; how the hell can someone know that it is the most important thing one could say, then and there, under those circumstances \"else you will never meet him again and know it is him\". If that\'s \"God\'s sense of humor\" or whatever one would want to call it; then it must be rather nasty indeed to leave someone with nothing more then that, and oops, you didn\'t act on such an out of the blue thought, there goes your best friend at a time where everything else is being stripped from one\'s life piece by piece.rnrnIt was weeks that went by, where the last thing he told me; and which further made it seem pointless to just up and tell him I don\'t know any of his alts, and I quote \"I\'ve got laundry to do, or I won\'t have cloathes for work tomarrow; BUT I\'LL BE ON TOMARROW\". I waited for him for months, before it hit me. What I said, directed at a friend is bad; but honestly I thought it was one of the harassing game players I was running into; and I didn\'t want to be bothered by them, when I was rather wanting to see Gilthanas. I had no idea what was going on; and again how the hell was I supposed to know that this one time, it was him and not what appearances suggested. Must be more of a sick sense of humor that the universe perhaps has towards us.rnrnFrom that time, things just went from bad to worse, out of the frying pan; into the fire sorta thing. All of this, it was as if it wasn\'t enough. Take my life from me, take one of my best friends away, leaving him to believe that I hate him and that it was I who wanted HIM to go away; when umm I thought it someone else; and in situations he knew nothing of. And even that wasn\'t enough.rnrnAfter this, my father came to the point of needing a lot of care, and when he began to recover from his stroke; chose instead to sit around and require others to do things for him. Becomming more demanding, and even downright nasty at times towards my mother, it\'s become increasingly difficult for her; until she finally broke down and had a stroke.rnrnThen after the first, she had another which was induced by rising blood pressure, which hit 220 when she was admitted to the hospital for the last ones. Her doctors were angry; and had to find a way to try to tell my father that he\'s going to have to lay off some, or he\'s going to drive her to have more problems with high blood pressure and further strokes, with a \"she\'s now had one on both sides of her brain, a third could kill her\".rnrnAfter it came to my attention, that this one person was in fact Gilthanas, before my mother\'s strokes in time frame mind you; I was devastated, and tbh became rather shall I say withdrawn for a time. For days I didn\'t even want to eat. And when I finally returned to looking for a job, the economic situation in this country further spun out of control to the point we\'re looking at Great Depression like condidtions. It didn\'t end with the calamity that struck Fannie Mae and Fredie Mac, but has continued into the bankruptcy of Lemmen Brothers (which survived the Great Depression mind you), buyout of Merril Lynch by Bank of America, though some suggest that\'s only a temporary stop gap, and won\'t fix things for long, and financial troubles hitting AIG. With the way this is rocking Wall Street, and a further stock market dip akin to \"Black Monday\" some time back; it\'s comming to some\'s attention that the economy is in more trouble then many speculated after the troubling hitting Fredie and Fannie, but before this.rnrnFact is, that after Gilthanas left, after I essentially and inadvertently ended up \"dismissing him\"; things went from bad, to becomming a personal dark night, the likes would be hard to even describe or depict. And after I had come to know that it was in fact him, and not another one of the harassing people I was speaking to; I lost any reason to even care anymore, about anything really.rnrnThis isn\'t how things should have been; and there\'s one thing that has come between Gilthanas and myself, and it\'s illusion. He believes I want him gone, which is illusion. I thought that one day, it was someone else, illusion; he thought i knew it was him, also illusion.rnrnHe and I really do need to speak; if anything to get past these illusions and so the \"record\" can be set straight. There was a time I also needed him as a friend, as I have been looking straight in the face at some rather stark realities; many probably never even face in a given life time. And no, just anyone can\'t substitute. As much as we hadn\'t just up and become good friends in a day, and also I couldn\'t have \"just known\" it was him; there\'s also a sense people can get about another, which doesn\'t apply to all and sundry... And nor should it. Meet someone knew, they\'re someone else. They shouldn\'t be dealt with as if they were a good friend of one\'s. But on the other hand, it also means that without knowing \"oh it\'s you\", one can\'t just pick up.rnrnThe problem for Gilthanas would probably be in figuring out how to let me know it is him. But the thing is baring his using the only other alt I know he h as (because it was on my shamies friend\'s list), namely his Ryld char; he would have to re-introduce himself to me. And quite frankly at a time where I haven\'t been entirely open to meeting people, largely because of how things got so messed up between him and me, in combination with everything else. I really do not feel like meeting new people in general, certainly anymore....
Rollie says:
Aug 02, 08 19:56
I empathize with you, I really do, but there is something glaringly obvious to everyone except you. If he was such a good friend, he wouldn\'t have disappeared without a trace, regardless of any action you may have inadvertently done if he was the guy you are thinking.rnrnHonestly, you\'ve said more than enough here, and there really isn\'t anything more that needs to be said or added. If he ever happens upon this page, he now knows how to contact you if he so wishes.rnrnMy advice? Move on, and make REAL friends who won\'t just disappear without a trace, who will always remain in contact with you and be your friend when you need one, and to me, you really need one now, not just keep longing for this lost online acquaintance.
Son_Goku says:
Jul 20, 08 21:18
Gilthanas, we really do need to speak. Things are not what you had probably come to believe. If I had known it was you, that one day in March 07, as I now believe; I never would have told you to go away, and NOTHING which has happened from that day, would have. I did not, different name, didn't look like you, how was I to know?

Let me get serious for 2 seconds here. You showed me a different character the second day we met, back in Oct 06, it was the second night we met. At that time, we had a couple fun nights, I looked forward to getting together with you again, I liked playing with you; however we had not yet become the friends we were yet to become. You wanted to help someone else with something and asked me if it was OK, before you went to bed. I was like yeah, sure, you relogged. That char and I wasn't partied, I saw it in Gadgetzan, and you said, and I quote "this is another one of my characters, but I DON'T REALLY PLAY HIM ANYMORE. (emphasis added) I emphasize, because the thought crossed me mind to add it to friends list, but in your own words you didn't play it anymore, my list was already kinda clogged on the paly I was then on, and I didn't believe I'd ever see it again (because of your own account). I COULD NOT HAVE KNOWN, that in 5 months, you'd come to me on it; and what happens between us would be dependent on my recognizing it, because you'd end up expecting me to. How could I? To this day, I only remember that there was such a char, and they looked identical, but I have never remembered a name. In March I thought it was someone else, in fact I thought I was dealing with another harassing game player; in my outer conscious mind I did NOT recognize you, as things progressed.

OK, I didn't know this char was yours, but there are several things you do not know, as I had not told you. Some of the questions you had asked, and statements you made, also suggest you had the wrong idea on a few accounts, but I left it. First off, you and I never really had any disagreements of a sort, before that night where you left for a time in November, due to as you said employment problems of your own, and I guess your HD went at some time. However, I'm not sure if you understood where it was comming from. Gilthanas, we never ran into anything we hadn't beat, until those ice giants, and I thought it was I who was letting you down ;) You were 57, I was 60, I couldn't get them. You were soloing elites at 52, I couldn't get a bit latter... I now get it, I have got it for a long time now.

What I was running up against were class specific limitations. I thought it was me, it wasn't. As far as I was concerned, I should have been able to do more, I couldn't... Yet you were the one apologizing. I came back from dinner, no idea what was going on, and you were gone for the night, and next I saw you, the following day you were telling me good bye. At first I thought you meant you'd be gone for a few days (sorry, but the gist of what you were saying was not adequitely or effectively communicated), and I thought nothing of it, at first.

But then days turned into weeks, and by and by, I did end up leveling my hunter (as the first rogue became a BG twink as some in guild wanted to do twinked WSGs). It was around the time that he hit the latter 30, and a couple weeks give or take had gone by that it hit me. There was more to what you were telling me that morning, then you'd be gone a few days. I also KNEW that I was fast approaching the point, where I'd be re-doing every single quest and whatever that you and I had done. EVERYONE, and I do mean everyone was pretty much telling me you were gone forever. You have no idea how this was for me. Fact is, I didn't know they were wrong. As things came closer to that point, where I'd be hitting Feralas, and for all intents and purposes, doing everythign we did togather; I wasn't exactly happy, nor was it exactly fun doing everything again while everyone was saying you were gone for good. I remembered what was done (NOT NECESSARILY EVERYTHING SAID< OR EVERY NAME THOUGH ;) ), because I was doing it all again. It wasn't as pleasant as you might have thought however, as I was just constantly being reminded about the times we had together, with an underlying sense, perhaps they're right, perhaps I will never see you again. And so when I was looking to do some quest that took us back there, and you mentioned you didn't mind, it was fun; I agreed in a rather qualified manner, it was fun WITH YOU.

Going back, as I had, in early December however, was no fun at all. I never told you just how it was to do it all again, with you gone however, and if some were correct, forever. But there's more, in the back of my mind, I didn't know that the reason you had gone that night in November, might not have been because I let you down. I knew nothing of your job situation ;)

I didn't exactly want to do it all again, nor did I want to be constantly reminded of fun times gone by, for all accounts perhaps forever; but what kept me pushing through it, was a sense I had to prove myself. When you came back, and saw me doing Dragonkin Menace at 51 (was almost finished then), you asked if I was trying to one up you, lol The truth is, I was trying to prove that I could be as good as you. And with the sense that perhaps the reason you left, was because I let you down; I pushed myself that hard, that yes I did end up "one upping you", in an attempt to prove to myself that I could do it. But one upping you, was not my intent. I was happy to see you then, and also surprised that you were back, it didn't seem to matter anyhow, and so I never told you what I was really doing there, or why. And in the end, I figured it out; the reason you had been able to, and on my other character I wasn't; was class specific more then anything else.

Gilthanas, in the end, I've come to regret that I ever created my warrior. Reason is, if I hadn't, you never would have come to me on that alt of yours, never expected me to know who you are without you telling me, and none of this would have ever happened. You would have just approached me on a familiar char, and all would have been fine. I only did it, so I'd have something to do those times you weren't there; not so this, is what would have happened wrt the 2 of us. However, when you would have encountered me in March, this is exactly where you would have. I couldn't believe that it was all happening again, and the truth is I didn't want to be there. I did not want to have to go through everything we did together, again, with the sense you might be gone for good. I couldn't believe it was all happening again.

That day you came home from your trip, you asked why I was mucking around on my horde realm, with a "but I'm on this realm". Gilthanas, you asked the wrong question, and you asked it in the wrong context. I WASN'T OVER THERE, BECAUSE YOU WERE OVER HERE ON AMAN'THUL; I WAS OVER THERE BECAUSE YOU WERE *NOT* AROUND." Gilthanas, I did not want to be there then. Last I heard from you "I'll be on tomarrow", but you never were. Not that I saw. And as I approached that point where I'd have to re-live all those times we had together, yet a second time, with you gone perhaps forever, and yet again; I grew a bit cranky, lol Add to it, the harassing game players, the pests, the a-holes; which I had to deal with in your absense, I had enough of the latter. Why did I have to be there, around them, but my own friends, well that I couldn't. I didn't want to deal with it, I didn't want to interact with the pests; that's what you stepped into, that's what you fell to the wrong side of, but without any context. And so you thought that's what I had come to think about you. IT WAS NOT. Even after all was said there, I STILL WAITED FOR YOU TO COME BACK, even that very night. Due to that, you got the wrong idea, wrong impression, and you were left thinking I hate you, and wanted you to go away forever. I wanted the pests, and the harassing people i was havign to deal with, in particular to go away; and I hated having to deal with them, when you were the one I wanted to see then. But in your place, I got...

Gilthanas, everything that happened between us from that point, was illusion. It has no basis in reality, or fact; but because I'm not able to recognize you, and you I guess believe it must be so; there is no chance for the illusion to be exposed for what it is. To have recognized you then, would have required me to be psychic, or me to be some kind of a mind reader; and I can only be left to wonder if this is what you expect me to be. I will say this, take it as you will. AT SOME INNER LEVEL OF MIND, I MIGHT HAVE HAD AN IDEA WHO YOU WERE; THIS I DO NOT KNOW, BUT AT THE LEVEL OF MY OUTER CONSCIOUS AWARENESS, I HAD NO IDEA. I say this, because that night, when you told me you had laundry to do and you'd be on "tomarrow", the thought crossed my mind to tell you I had no idea who your alts are. It seemed out of the blue, irrelavent, and not worth mentioning. If I had told you then and there, before you logged; it might have spared all of this. But it would have required me to be some sort of a fortune teller to have known then "this is the most important thing I could say now; tell him or this will be the last time". I let it pass, said good night, and left it unsaid; believing I'd see you the next day anyhow. Next time we met was that day I didn't recognize you. Read that however you will; I care not to speculate, on what my gut might or might not have known; without my outer mind knowing it...

Gilthanas, the only character other then your Gilthanas char, that ended up on a friends list, was your Ryld char. It still exists on the realm. If you approach me on it, assuming you can even log into it anymore; I'd recognize you. Otherwise, you'll just need to re-introduce yourself to me, if you'd ever want me to know. Sorry, but that's how things are; I know of no other.

The ironic thing in all of this, is due to turn of events, the US economy, and some other things; I'm going to have to move. And based on some of what you told me, we could end up within driving distance of each other. Though for me, it's more that the economy here is a mess, and I'm having to move back close to family to get back on my feet. It feels strange also; given we're more estranged then could ever be, yet we could end up passing each other in the months to come, and never know it. There's more to fill you in on, but I guess the chance will never be; because of illusions that stand between us, and are believed to be the truth.
Son_Goku says:
Jan 25, 08 13:51
Ugh, people looking for updates... Which leaves things only more uncertain.

Gilthanas, did you or did you not come to me looking for a VC rush on some alt the other day? I got home, to someone asking me to rush them when on my warrior. This itself isn't uncommon; as this game is full of people who want high lvls to do everything for them. Was posting auctions as I remember and tending to AH.

When I commented I wasn't about to help a stranger then (hell it was a long day, and shortly after I ended up going to sleep for several hours); that I'd only help a friend such as you, someone claimed they were. I don't know if there's any veracity to the statement or not. Some will quite litterally say anything to get what they want, if they think it will give some leverage. Mind you, there are times I'm too exhausted to run my own instance runs, as one can't concentrate very well if too tired. As to "running people", unless someone knows someone; why, especially if one is having trouble staying awake?

I asked how we met, and reply was I don't know, followed by a "he won't help me". It's hard to imagine it would be, if you don't know anything about the time we had together. And realistically there should be something you would know/could say that would be indicative as to who you are. However, the simple fact is, that on alts; if it was or was not, you're not recognizeable. People don't look at each other on the computer, they look what's on the screen and only recognize each other indirectly (if they know who the character belongs to) ;)

If this was you, you need to slow down a bit and give me a chance to know it's you. Of course you'd recognize the characters you played with; BUT this does NOT mean I will recognize ones I never saw. I have a 70 rogue now, which actually is in Karazhan now (my hunter needs to finish it as he only has 7 epics; but current guild doesn't need more hunters atm). This character was created after we last played together. Do you know who this rogue is? If you don't, that's exactly my point here, except with me on the other end...
Hybuir says:
Jan 25, 08 07:28
Any updates?
Son_Goku says:
Jan 14, 08 23:49
If I wanted to write a book, I'd be in MS Word and not here. Problem is, Gilthanas believes that I recognize him on alts. One I forgot about I know for sure, as I only remembered months after the fact. After that, it's only a matter of guessing.

The catch 22 is trying to sell someone who's unrecognizeable "you're not recognizeable, you need to be more explicit", when you can't even know when they're there. It's impossible; which leaves "putting it out there" for him as the only way possible. If he were to come back, and I KNEW it was him, any discussion would go private and I'd be out of here.

This is just too messed up, when neither of us wanted things this way, and here he thought he was accomodating me. Problem is, he never accounted just how unrecognizeable he was, and exactly how he appeared when he sort of stepped into other things unaware.
DM. says:
Jan 11, 08 13:33
You should write a book.... I swear it would be a best seller.
Son_Goku says:
Jan 09, 08 05:21
I don't have one, and tbh I don't know you. Quite honestly, I wouldn't even be going "public" if Gilthanas left me any other option to tell him what happened, and why it isn't possible to recognize others, when approached in unrecognizeable situations/encounters.

Truth is, I've been on the other end, both wrt moving and getting a new phone number, where calling someone I had seen, and yes in person for years had no idea it was me. The person in question didn't even answer the phone the first several times, and unanswered I figured she's busy and hadn't called in awhile.

Thing is, my Tai Chi teacher, I've been a student for like 4-5 years (though the last year due to family and financial situations which followed my father having a stroke in Oct 2006); I simply hadn't been able to afford lessons. Both teachers were like "never mind, you need to continue making progress in your training", but my thing, is though they might be willing to work out the debt after the fact, I'm not sure if I could even remember what the debt would be, too many months, or now it's been over a year into the future, and don't feel comfortable with that sort of a situation. I would not want to short change them, and truth is, I don't think I could remember a running tally for so long.

Gilthanas remembers me as having a good memory; but what he doesn't get possibly, is that there's different areas of memory. My memory is more experience based, and photographics (recalling mental images, and not just in the sense of vision) is not too difficult for me; nor is being able to visualize something from the past at will. This does NOT MEAN however, that I remember every name, or every number that is thrown at me; and tbh I really don't take the effort to remember the minutiae of every little thing I encounter. What would be the point anyhow? If something doesn't appear significant at the time...

I remembered many of the experiences Gilthanas and I had together, because to me they were significant, they did matter, and because when he was away from late Nov 06 to mid Dec 06, I ended up re-living those times as on another char I had to redo all the quests we had done together, without him. I also remember missing him, and how, without him it was just not much fun anymore. Enough so, in March, I really didn't want to do it, yet a third time, when I wasn't seeing him around.

In any case, for people who I consider to be a friend, yes I can end up doing a fair bit for them, and can also end up willing to endure some things, I probably wouldn't tollerate from just anyone. Then again, when I was a kid, there were also some who would pretend to be my friend in knowing I'd be more generious with my friends, when what they really wanted was stuff they could get from me. In camp, I had this, where I having more then many around my (my father was making around $80,000 a year, back in the early 1980s, with the rate of inflation as low as it was 25 years ago). This too, is a lesson I had to learn, and back at a young age. Since this time, family finances have hit the crapper, as my father has had a stroke, my mother isn't doing well medically, both of my parents are retired (81 and 67 years old respectively), and as to retirement funds, an investment broaker just watched as the investments plumeted then sent a letter to them "we're sorry we were neglegent with your money and didn't move it as was agreed. We were negligent, and much of your retirement savings is now gone".

So now with this, the beggers, the gold diggers, and everything else. And what those in game don't get is they don't have a chance in hell of trying to turn me into their personal bank to just "use and get stuff from". I also, get this in real life, where accross from the college (I lived in the dorms for about the first 4 years I was out here), pan handlers would line up accross the street.

Things got as outragious as people lining up outside the financial aid office, when loan checks wouuld come in, to beg all the college students as they walked out for money. Mind you, these were LOANS for the students, meant to pay for their tuition, and now they're flogged by a bunch of welfare recipients to just fork it all over. Probably, one of the stupidest ones I saw was some lady who was outside the college gym, with a Golden Lab. Her line was "I spent so much money buying the dog (we're talking thorough bred golden lab here, probably a several thousand dollar dog), I can't afford to feed him. Give me money for dog food?

Worse though, was the number that would get in one's face (this here in real life, not just in game), and if one declined would become absolutely belligerant and verbally abusive, like it's their due.

When I lived on campus, I had been robbed, as had some of the apartment mates, and was to latter find out that someone else had the key to the place and was breaking in and stealing stuff. The university denied, with stories of keys specially made for them and how no one could get the blank. One of the apartment mates said he worked for Home Base, and he could get that blank at work, it is only industrial streangth, not "custom made by Seargent".

The biggest stink of it came where people's food kept disappearing (6 bedrooms were in the shared apartment), and then dishes were left in the kitchen uncleaned. Accusations kept going back and forth, with people demanding to know who's eating their food, using their dishes without cleaning them, etc.

Then one day when I was at a friend's house, one roomate walked out into the dinning room, to see an unknown native American sitting at the dinning room table, eating. When he walked out, the guy looked at him, then bolted for the door, running in a hurry. He asked everyone if it was a friend of theirs, and no one knew him. This was after months of food constantly disappearing. Complaints went to the university, and they discounted it, again with that tale of custom made keys and arguments no one could get in, while stickign to to their story emphatically.

So now summer semester over, some who lived in there during spring semester came back, and told us they had a problem with being robbed for years preceding.

So now, I'm supposed to care about some people I don't even know, who come to me in a game demanding gold, game rushes, and everything "I want you to give me", items, whatever.

But the fact is, I do care about Gilthanas, do miss him, and would like to see him again. This doesn't mean I find it all that fair, that whether I get to see him again or not, should be dependent on what I think of some other individuals who appear like more of the same; simply because he won't tell me who he is, or let me know "I'm your friend, not one of these others". Bleh...
Hybuir says:
Jan 08, 08 09:00
Thats quite a dedication to friends. What's your myspace? pst
Son_Goku says:
Jan 06, 08 09:59
No, I will not give it up and for good reason. He might/might not have tried to contact me again, but if he did there's something he doesn't understand and needs to know.

In Nov, around the holidays I was running between the AH and the mailbox in SW. I was busy re-posting auctions, checking price lists with Auctioneer advanced (which due to the broaken scan in my version required me to price search item stack of items, then post. Course Auctioneer advanced is a beta, so...

Next thing I know, some random party invite, from I see absolutely no chat at all. I'll admit that auctioneer advanced does flood the chat screen and I did a lot of auction posting and price checks, and that in-city chat is such that one can't for the life of them read it all. It's more like noticing when something catches one's eye, as there's just too much chat to be able to concentrate on it all. But as I was doing all this at the AH, nothing caught my eye, nothing in /s, /w, or anything to indicate someone wanted to "hook up" or whatever. Mind you I also get random invites from nub lvl chars who want all kinds of things from gold, VC runs, free items, lowbie quest rushes, on my rogue demand I pick their lockboxes without a word, whatever. The "vultures" can be bruttle at times with gimme, gimme, gimme to complete strangers.

But anyhow, getting a random invite from a character name I didn't recognize, I did a /who and saw some unknown lvl 2 Draenie. I took it for a spam bot, as most lvl 1 and 2s that random party invite people, are spam bots who then give gold selling adverts.

The most I got was "I'm not a bot, see I'm speaking Engligh"; but absolutely nothing wrt any sort of indication on whether it would be a person I would know, or not.

So I took it for a begger; and the game is chock full of lvl 2s that beg. Mind you I was logged into one of my level 70s then, and many can attest to just how often beggers will random party invite without saying what they want, go looking for help without saying what one would be agreeing to do, demands for rushes, gold, etc. People have had to be thrown out of guildes before for this reason, and one which I'm an officer in had to explicitly state in their rules that begging for gold or lowbie rushes are not permitted, and could result in a /gkick if it becomes persistent. I figured it was one of these people, and was like "I'm not going to give a party invite..."; why would I with random beggers, who don't bother to speak with people first, or tell them what they want?

Umm, for people in general, let people know what you want, before random inviting some high lvl to try to "hook them" in on helping you, without ever verbally agreeing to it, or even knowing what you want of them. I feel much the same of random trade spams which are given by someone one doesn't even see, who doesn't bother to speak first. Hell, on my rogue I've got this WHILE IN COMBAT from a person, who with trade declined, and while I was still fighting anounced to me they had lock boxes, then DEMANDED that I open them now; in combat or not. I find this sorta thing both incredibablly rude and annoying, in general.

If this was Gilthanas, this has nothing to do with Gilthanas, but has everything to do with those, and a situation which got far worse then he ever saw up to last February. Then the worst we seemed to see was people dancing naked for gold, but since then, the spam and the begging has grown substantially worse in a way one would almost have to see just what some people do...

The only reply I got was "I hate you"; what I inadvertently ended up telling Gilthanas last March, but the problem is I did not know it was him until some several months latter, when I got a sinking "gut feeling", bad intuition if you will, followed by a long forgotten memory of that one character he showed me in October preceding where he said "this is another one of my characters, but I don't really play him anymore". He left town, helped someone else (I do not know who, never asked, and tbh it never would have been my business to ask), and then after a little chat through /whisper, he said good night. He hadn't come to me on it, until I guess; and at that time in October, because he said "I don't really play him anymore" I believed I would never see it again, and soon forgot about it, absolutely and in total. To this day, I never remembered the name, only the encounter came to me at a much latter date.

Taking it as a begger, and having more then a few beggers tell me they hate me, when I refuse to give them gold, free epics, or whatever, I could only laugh. It really does seem absurd someone would hate a complete stranger because "you won't give me everything I want"; and sounds more like a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum in the store when "mommmy and daddy won't buy me that toy".

I charged back, to whoever, "why would I care? You're a stranger, on some character, in a computer generated fantasy world" (ala the game). The only response I got was "lies :o" The person then proceded to make some, rather I must say poorly constructed insults; either because the person isn't good at insulting others in the least; or because (if it was him), herpahs he couldn't really get his "heart into it", and was more lashing out, and trying to convince himself he feels this way, to conceal how he'd really feel. I don't know either way.

I have no idea if this was Gilthanas or not. All I can say is in a matter of hours or days after the fact, and long since I had come back from dinner following this; the thought crossed me mind "IF THIS WAS NOT WHAT IT APPEARED TO BE..." the important part here is IF, then Gilthanas is the only person I knew who would have come to me in such a random manner, and just expected I would know who he is without telling me first. EVERYONE ELSE, who I have played with, when comming to me on alts, comming back after a time, whatever lets me know who they are. They don't expect me to "just know". He's the only one who in the past had.

I don't know either way, I can only guess, and if it's the case, things are bad. If it was him, then he's in a very bad way, feeling it necessary to say all this, this long after the fact. But the truth is; it isn't so. There were 2 issues before he left on his trip, but nothing like this.

The first was, that after I rushed my guy to hit 60, get certain reps, whatever, he felt it necessary to play catch up with me. He'd ask me about my reps, and try to find something he could beat me on. In January before BC came out, we were also there wanting to play together, but having rushed through all the zones, were finding it increasingly difficult to find something we could both do.

What I could not find a way to tell him, though I tried to find some way to communicate was that there was a reason he found Feralas to be the most fun (though for me it wasn't so much fun having to go back and do it all again when he was away, and others in Dec 06 were telling me he was gone for good). We were actually playing together, rather then just rushing each other. Yes, the help is appreciated, but it was also more fun just doing stuff TOGETHER. I know I started it, but when I got to many of the goals before him, I ended up realizing just how much of a mistake it might have been, and that it was the times I started rushing through, which we had together, which mattered more. I ended up creating my warrior to give myself something to do after BC came out, so we wouldn't make the same mistake again, and to give myself something to do when he was away. But a decision I now regret, in retrospect, seeing that if I had not done so; then he never would have come to me then on an unrecognized alt, and none of this would ever have manifested from there.

The other was that at times, when trying to mention the first, he was like "that's OK, you're always arond when I'm on" and I guess took it for granted. The truth is, he and I started playing together 6 days before my father had a stroke (since my mother has had mini-strokes too now), and family finances went to the crapper, with my father now needing care 24/7, being unable to do anything for himself. Forget these beggers who simply refuse, and demand everyone cater to them like a slave, he can't, and the doctors have trouble explaining to him the reality of his condition. For medical reasons, my mother needs to move in with my sister, and my father doesn't want to go. The doctors are struggling to explain to him that in as much as he's not capeable of caring for himself anymore, if mom moves and he refuses, this will end up getting reported to the state. The legal authorities will come in the home and forceably remove him for his own good, and place him in a state run nursing home. Given family moved away, he'll be on his own, and no one will visit him. He doesn't understand, and as to these beggers, gold diggers, and leeches (not just in game, but we have a fair share of pan handlers around the city as well); many just can't comprehend reality to that degree...

The reason I was willing to drop most anythign I was doing (outside raides and some things) when Gilthanas was on WAS BECAUSE I CONSIDER HIM ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, AND, BECAUSE WITH JUST HOW INSECURE OUR LIVES HAVE BECOME FINANCIALLY, I NEVER KNEW IF THE TIME WE HAD TOGETHER, MIGHT BE THE LAST. But I never assumed it would be something like this, rather a situation of being unable to pay the electric bill, the phone bill, the ISP, whatever (and never knowing from one week to the next if I could get food on the table in the midst of this), if I could remain around. I wanted us to be able to enjoy the time we had, at a time my life, and the life of my family had become absolutely insecure, financially and otherwise. He seemed to take it for granted from what he did say, that I would just always be there as such; not realizing why I was aroudn so much, and how I coudln't afford to go out anymore.

When he came back from his trip and everything, I wanted to have a pleasent way to explain to him that when I got a job (this happened when I was a full time student in college), I simply would not be able to be around so much anymore; there could be a work schedule whatever, and when the finances are more in order I will want to be able to go out and do some thigns again. But this said, I'd still like to be able to see him. I was on the virge of giving him my real world email and contact info; and to make it clear to him that I'd still like to stay in touch, regardless of whatever our respective schedules might end up doing.

That night he told me "I'll be on tomarrow" as the last thing he said, and I had no reason to believe otherwise. Irronically, the thought crossed my mind to tell him I have no familiarity with his alts and to ask him. But it seemed totally out of the blue, irrelavent, and he had to do laundry then and said he'd be on "tomarrow" anyhow.

I never saw him, and there was never the chance before this all happened. But the one fact he never understood is that I DID NOT KNOW it was him; and always saw someone else. I don't know how many other encounters might or might not have been. On Christmas, some (different random character, unknown name, yet something different) was the only person who ended up commenting that if I really cared about him (note the third person though), I would have recognized him. I was flaberghasted, as how could I do this? Most anyone understands that without being told, one isn't just going to know things out of the blue.

When I mentioned the physical impossibility of this, wrt the 5 physical senses, and how could this just be said as such; all I got was suggestion of "I know who peple are like that", with a "I'm not psychic, I'm just a special case. If you really cared, you'd know"

That's beyond fair, but just as far beyond fair as accusing one of being a liar for refering to an unrecognized person as a stranger, WHEN TO THE BEST OF ONE'S OWN KNOWLEDGE, THIS IS TRUE.

I don't know if that was yet him again speaking in the third person or not; I don't know if he's been there in the shadows waiting for me to recognize him or not, whoever he might or might not have been. Gilthanas has me completely lost, completely confused; at this point, if he was any of these other people, the seeming expectation would seem so far beyond rational, so cryptic in nature, he would have become absolutely incomprehensible to me.

The fact is I've waited for him this whole time; even kept my guys on realm as oen friend after another had realm transfered, quit, whatever. So much so, at times it's seemed as if I've been left to the wolves of beggers and what not, with all the people I know going away one by one (him being the first, and like this, of all things). Least in other cases, people do if they're realm transfered, changed factions, whatever stop by sometimes to chat, and also in some cases let me know where they went so I could create alts there.

I've been hoping Gilthanas would "come to his senses" so to speak, one day, and eventually figure this out. And in figuring it out, might come to me and do the one thing he had not. TELL ME, "IT'S ME". If this was him he never figured it out, and as to how he's doing, well see above. How could one not understand the importance of letting others know "it's me" when trying to pick up with them, be it on a different character, calling from an unrecognized phone number, whatever? I don't know. I can't even begin to understand how this would not be obvious, and I wish I did. Yes I would like my friend back, and no I would not want him to be in the sort of bad way it would suggest if he was the person in November. But nothing that would need to be said, could be said, if people aren't even allowed to know who they're interacting with. Gilthanas has me beyond a state of confusion for which I don't think I can really know or make sense of anything, anymore.
Rollie says:
Jan 02, 08 11:02
Dude, this guy hasn't been seen since Feb of 07... give it up =/
Son_Goku says:
Dec 27, 07 11:08
You know? The thing that gets me, quite frankly even bothers and annoys me here; is that you knew who I was Gilthanas, but I had no idea. It was months before I remembered the alt, months where the last thing I remembered you telling me is "I'll be on tomarrow", but then nothing. Then months latter I find out you were some alt, that didn't even appear then, but a couple weeks or whatever it was, latter. Whatever happened, I don't know. I can imagine that getting snowed in on your trip, and being a new employee, your boss might have fired you, not caring the reason for the absense. Many employers do this. However, in everything, I can now only guess...

You should never have agreed to just go away, even if I told you to; WHEN I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS SPEAKING TO.

Gilthanas, I've been on the other end before. I've been in situations where people had no idea who I was; though we had known each other, because I moved, or whatever. Perhaps both them and me had spoaken on the phone, they forgot. I just told them, which is what most people do. I've also been in situations where, well one time my email address was left in a University computer; and someone broke up with their girlfriend on that computer. I got her reply email, which was filled with some of the most hate filled vitrol imagineable. I got half through, surprised, but KNEW NOTHING SAID WAS MEANT FOR ME. I deleted the email, went to the computer lab, removed my email from the public system, and never saw another one of those. I could have replied "what the hell, I don't know you"; but for what purpose? It would have done me no good, I knew I never met her before, nor did I just break up with a girlfriend, and for her it would have only embarassed her, and arguably without need, when she probably just hit reply in her email program, and didn't bother to check the address.

That is really all that you ran into these past 10 or so months; and now I have no idea if you were the one who tried to approach me a month ago or so, or not. Because again, if that was you (last March I remembered the alt after the fact, if this other guy was you, there's nothing on a lvl 2 to remember, no times played with you on it, no nothing with that char).

Dude, I never wanted you to go away, and you never should have agreed to this. If you believed you were doing what I wanted, it was a farce, but not a farce born of any form of deception or intent. Rather one of simple un-knowning. Umm buddy, if someone doesn't recognize you, pressing the issue in the sense of pretty much expecting them to just pick up with you won't necessarily work. For the other person it's a first time encounter with an unrecognized person, and first impressions are being formed from the encounter, same as if the 2 had never met each other before. HOWEVER, just agreeing to go away, even if it is stated isn't necessarily what either wants.

Umm, I can't believe this needs to be said, but Gilthanas, the best course of action can be to just tell people "hey, it's me". Do you really believe I would have told you I hated you or to go away, if I knew it was you? I would not have. You stepped in something; and to be honest, since having lost someone I considered one of my better friends, namely you; I have in large measure lost my patience with a lot of the nonsense from people in general. It's not personal, and not personal with regards to you. If you really believe people can just recognize alts without being informed "hey, IT'S ME"; I have a lvl 70 rogue on the realm created after you had left. Do you know who it is? For you to come up with that char name, and just recognize it without someone telling you it's me; would be the same sort of thing, as me having to recognize you on chars I either don't remember, or had never seen.
Son_Goku says:
Dec 16, 07 21:57
Whoever played Gilthanas on Aman'Thul as this specific character; there's something you don't get. I want to speak with you, and never wanted you to go away. In my mind, I wasn't speaking to you. It wasn't until the day this charatcter disappered off realm; I got a sense that the person I took for a random pest might have been you. And yet against that intuitive feeling, I could not understand it, as the thought that hit my mind was how could you have created a character and got it to 43 in a couple weeks.

It was a week latter I even remembered that one alt of yours. I wish there was an easy way to just tell you that you're not recognizeable to others on unfamiliar chars. Last month; no idea, but it looked like a spam bot, then a begger. I just do not get why you are so opposed to clueing people into it being you, when you approach them on unfamiliar characters. When people move, change their address, phone number, whatever, they fill people in on this. They don't just go calling them up at random and expect them to know like mind readers.

When people are online, they have even less to go on, as they can only see what's on the monitor, not past it. In order for anyone to remain in touch, the person who recognizes the other person, needs to tell the one who can't make that recognition (because it's not apperent with what's visable to them) "hey it's me!" I wish you could understand this; and am completely mystified on how I could be expected to "just know" this out of the blue.

Regardless of what might might appear to you in the midst of whatever encounters might have been going on, or not going on; I want to "see" you, I want to get together with you, I'd like to speak with you again. But I simply can't make you out over characters I never saw. I have no clue if or how you could be brought to understand this. I really do miss you, and have this entire time, regardless of what you might have been lead to believe.

And the truth is, I have been waiting for you to come back ever since you last played your Gilthanas character, never having recognized you, at the time, on any other character if/when you were there on them.
Son_Goku says:
Dec 14, 07 20:55
./sigh Here I still am wishing you could understand the sort of situation here.

Gilthanas, we had a lot of fun together, and in the unfortunately too brief time we had, I had come to consider you one of my best friends. So much so, I was seriously debating whether to give you my real world email address and contact info outside of game. I seldom do this with anyone, and the last person before was back in the year 2000.

Listen, I'm sorry for what was INADVERTENTLY said to you in ignorance as to who you were; HOWEVER the truth in all of this is I simply can not recognize you on alts.

I just don't get it buddy. It's almost as if, without thinking; you come to me under the presumption we're standing face to face, and can readily recognize each other over the Internet. This is not the case. There is no face to face encounter. There is no physical interaction, there simply is no "looking at" the other person.

The reality is, 2 people happen to be sitting at computers physically located at a different point in space. It is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE for their own physical eye balls to see the other person. What they see is limited to what is sitting on the monitor itself; minus the self awareness another might hold of themself (seperate individuals with seperate brains and bodies).

I'm sorry Gilthanas, but in this your actions, or more to the point what your expectations seem to be are totally incomprehensible to me. It's as if, either intentionally or perhaps simply without thinking; you've based everything on an expectation which requires others to be mind readers, omniscient, or somehow able to project their minds beyond the limits of the human senses.

If 2 people were standing in the same room, that would be one thing, but we're not. We're in 2 seperate areas, not even looking at each other. I'm no more my character, then you are yours, and vice versa.

Will you plz listen for 2 second. I might know something about you, and enough to have come to consider you a good friend from the times we had together; however all of those times you always appeared on your Gilthanas character, and short of any real world interaction that is how I had come to recognize, and identify you. I could readily associate you the person, as being the one behind that character.

However, when approached on some random alt I had no clue of in March because I forgot (and perhaps, perhaps not latter); I simply could not make the connection. To me I'm looking at a stranger BECAUSE THE CHARACTER IS UNFAMILIEAR TO ME, I DO NOT RECOGNIZE IT, AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SO EVER WHO IS PLAYING IT.
Son_Goku says:
Dec 09, 07 08:55
Ugh, I don't know if you'll ever see this or not. But in case, I'll try to set some things straight:

- I do not hate you, and I never had. In March, I mis-spoke, in part out of anger with both the situation and who I thought you were, BECAUSE I NEVER RECOGNIZED YOU, and had to make a judgement on what was going on at the time, with a completely unrecognized person. In the process, things were said, never meant for your ears, and which would NOT HAVE BEEN SAID if I was only aware it was you.

For a brief moment, the thought crossed my mind "WHAT IF it is Gilthanas, BUT NEVER that it was you". I scrolled up from the time of the encounter, where I turned around to try to catch the person responsible for what was going on, to see if there was something I missed. Some evidence that would demonstrate one way or the other IF IT WAS YOU OR NOT. I saw nothing, and by the time it progressed, I was growing less and less convinced it had been. This proved incorrect, as I was not to even remember for some months latter as I kept waiting for you to come back. But on the other hand, and sorry to have to say, unless you were willing to inform me, I simply could not have recognized you.

- You asked the last time I knew we saw each other and we played together, why I was mucking with a character on another realm. I mentioned in part that my alt there was stuck (until another friend got back and helped him); but I also mucked with him because you WERE NOT THERE, but had been away. It was not because you were, but I don't know if you ever assumed that in the end. In fact, even after, as I approached lvl 40 on him, I simply did not want to go back and do everything you and I had done together, when I had reason to believe you would be gone for a long time, just like you were last Nov-Dec. I'm sorry, but you don't know what it was like when I re-did everything we did together a year ago, when everyone, and I do mean everyone was telling me you were gone forever; in the guild we were in and otherwise. You were having financial problems (as mind you I also have been since my father had his stroke, and now my mother has had mini-strokes), but no one knew this, and the whole time you were gone last year, everyone told me what they thought.

- I don't know if you had been there other times, but if you had (I had a couple senses of deja-vu after the fact, came back and whoever that might have been you on that alt, was gone; however memory not clear enough to give any good recognition); but if such had been the case, and I never said anything IT IS BECAUSE I NEVER WOULD HAVE RECOGNIZED YOU. It would have nothing to do with whether I'd like to speak with you or not; else I would not have been trying.

- If you come to me on alts I'm not familiar with; I SIMPLY AM NOT ABLE TO RECOGNIZE YOU, UNLESS YOU TELL ME IT'S YOU. What could be worse, you could end up falling into whatever situation, and I would view it exactly as the situation suggests, unless I know otherwise.

We don't see each other in game. We're looking at a computer generated fantasy world, a game, with some character which happens to be us in that world. I am not my character, anymore then you are yours. Seeing the character is not the same as seeing the person.

I simply am not able to see you through the monitor somehow. I'm sorry, but it's not possible.

- I NEVER wanted to break things off with you, and I never intended. I was simply trying to "shoe away" someone I thought to be a random pest. I'm sorry that turned out to be you; to the point I seriously regret ever having created my warrior. Regret because if I had not, you never would have come to me on some unknown character, and this never would have happened.

- I wish you could come back and recognize this. For many more months then you might imagine I have been waiting and hoping you would come to realize this one day, and come back. And here I still wait, looking at situations far worse then what you saw there or might have imagined then.

Things like what was once people just begging for gold, now begging for lowbie rushes through everything to "get power leveled by strangers" as it's felt to be some people's "due" and "just" entitlement. Things like 9 hours straight of constant "murloc chat" and "murloc movie night" as several people absolutely flood trade chat with murloc everything at a rate of 1 message per sec, or more. When this happens, it's so bad, on my horde alts, Barrens chat was tame compared to that. Just how bad gold seller spam has become, which after a patch this year resulted in spam bots random party inviting people to get around /w restrictions on 10 day trial accounts, etc.

- As much as I really want to "see you", chat with you, and hell before you left in February I was inches from giving you my real world email address; I simply can't pick up with what in fact could be anyone FOR WHAT I KNOW, on the off chance it might be you. Worst part, even if we managed to get together again, if things continue to go on under the assumption that I would "just know" in some unfathomable way, I can't gaurentee or promise we might not run into this again. I can't, simply because I can't make promises against the back drop of what I do not know, and can not recognize.

Unless you could assure that I will be able to know when it's you and when it's not; I can make no statement as to what might occur; simply because I'm left unable to know what in truth remains non-perceptable.

I really do wish you could understand the sort of situation these random encounters can leave others in; and how what might/might not get said when people aren't even permitted to know who they are dealing with, is in no way personally directed towards them. How could it be, until one knows it's them, anyhow?
Son_Goku says:
Dec 05, 07 17:28
Ugh, Gilthanas, it's been 10 months since I've last been able to recognize you. Most everyone I knew has realm transfered, gone elsewhere, or whatever. I have only remained as I keep hoping you would figure this out one day, and come to back and let me know it's you.

There's practically nothing left anymore, except the hope you'll one day realize that people can't blindly recognize you on alts they don't remember and/or are unfamiliear with. The day when you might just come out and tell me, as opposed to when you expected me to just figure it out, where I CAN NOT, because there is nothing that was in any way identifiable to my senses. Things have even largely ceased being fun anymore. I might have gone away or whatever, if it weren't hoping that you would come to recognize this and come back.

But unfortunately, with your main gone, and only the Ryld character of yours as in any way having got to a friend's list of mine for me to even know; I'm sorry but you'd just have to be patient enough to tell me it's you. If I don't recognize, come out and SAY IT; rather then assume knowledge that isn't there ./sigh :(
Son_Goku says:
Dec 05, 07 10:29
Gilthanas, we need to speak, and the time has come for you to come out of the shadows and allow yourself to be known.

Worst part in all of this, I never would have told you to leave me alone and never bother me again, I hate you, and whatever else IF I KNEW IT WAS YOU, and not the random ninja/harassing game player I took it to be.

Worst part is I can't even tell you, because you disappear too well. IF YOU GET ON AN ALT, AND PEOPLE ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH IT, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO KNOW IT IS YOU. If this assumption of knowledge is made, it is incorrect and no one can live up to it. I'm sorry for what was said; but at the same time you never allowed me to know it is you. You can not be both anonymous, and expect people to recognize you at the same time. It has to be one or the other, and they are mutually exclusive. If you chose to be anonymous, please don't expect people to just blindly recognize you, and hold them accountable for what was never knowing said to you, and was not personally directed in any form.

I still don't know if it was you 2 weeks ago. But I do know this; if it wasn't what it looked like, you are THE ONLY FRIEND I KNOW who would assume others can readily recognize them on an alt, and refuse to let them in on the "secret". Every other person without exception, when they get on an alt and want to pick up with me, tells me who they are, and explicitly by a name which is already known. Worst part of all this, is I can't even tell you this, or just how important it is to do so.

This is why in the past when I changed characters or came to you on alts, I either mentioned the character from one you recognized, or came straight out and told you it was me. It was precisely to prevent this sort of thing from occuring. I wish you would have done the same, and have since regretted ever having created my warrior, for one reason. Had I not created it, you never would have come to me on an alt I could not know, and this never would have happened. Gilthanas, there is nothing in this type of situation for me to see, and hence it is quite impossible for me to figure it out for myself, without you being rather more explicit, in letting me know it is you :(
Son_Goku says:
Nov 30, 07 20:00
./sigh Gilthanas, the most frustrating thing of all of this; is that I've essentially been put in a catch 22; and random comments on the Internet in the hopes you might just "bump into it" is the only possibility that has existed for all this time. It seems as if the expectation is that I know things, or could recognize you in a way that excedes the limits of the human body, and just doesn't "jive" with the laws of physics.

Gilthanas, there's one truth you should know; but because of an unfortunate encounter last March THAT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WAS HAPPENING AT THE TIME, or for months to come after, I WANT TO SEE YOU, I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU. HOWEVER, IF I'M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO KNOW IT'S YOU, and am left with only what is visable to the eyes (ala what a person can see and touch)?

Tell me, but you can't, as you stay out of reach; from feelings of deja vu months ago, crossing my path and standing frozen; except it took me time to recognize, only to come back and you were gone. Tell me, why do you so firmly believe I could recognize you in this sorta situation? If you have tried to get together with me since I last remembered and knew I was looking at you, on February 20, why don't you just TELL ME IT'S YOU, rather then expect me to "figure it out for yourself"?

This puts me at a catch-22, because if I could recognize you, it would be mote to tell you I can't recognize you in this sorta situation. Gilthanas, tbh I don't even know your real name (though you told me something of where you live). I've heard you speak on vent, so your voice wouldn't be totally unfamiliar, but I have no idea what you look like in real life. And yet, encountering over the Internet; I'm expected to just recognize you on characters I don't remember, or if that was you the other day, on newly created characters, never played before, AND NEVER ENCOUNTERED PREVIOUS? Does that seem like a fair expectation to place on the mind of another?

Gilthanas! I'm still on Aman'Thul, the main characters who I played with you, are still there. My hunter is there and by the same name. So is my warrior, my shammy (which we didn't play, but created close together, and for a time cross invited into the same guild), all there. At the moment, those 3 are even in the same guild, along with another character you know not of. I'm hoping you would recognize me, and I coudl make it at least somewhat obvious. But this situation is hard.

After I hit 70 on my hunter, I changed professions from skinning to enchanting (largely due to a rogue you know nothing of who also skins and is now lvl 66) and because I was expecting you to come back, and in the time I thought I could borrow some leather from you if the need arose. My LW was mostly lvled up by then anyhow. Free enchants woulda also been something I could have provided for you, as well as me; and if you wanted dischant services. Since you left, my character's spec has checked a couple times, reps are up, I've got the frostsaber rep, and my gear is more then a little different then it was even months after we last saw each other.

However, it is still me; and regardless of what might appear in a situation where I was unable to recognize you (as appearances might have, if those encounters were there, suggested it something different), I still WANT to meet up with you. Gilthanas, I miss you, and miss you more then you would perhaps believe. I've had most people I knew disappear, some realm transfer, others go to "private services" (I won't mention names as I don't want to get friends in trouble; but I decided not to go when asked also due to the possible (EULA violation?).

Though I've made a bit of progress and though I'm far more progressed then I ever was when we played together, my friends are largely gone, and you are gone. And in the midst of it, the hope that you might come back one day is mostly what prevents me from going and leaving to other realms or whatever, with some I had also known.

Gilthanas, if you have wanted to get together with me, as I have with you; please come back BUT, TAKE THE TIME TO TELL ME IT IS YOU. If I recognized you in March, and didn't have reason to believe I was dealing with who I thought I was, NOTHING WOULD HAVE GONE THE WAY IT HAD.

I can't promise, and I can't gaurentee that I'll just recognize you, and everything will pick up; because this would be dependent on knowledge which is beyond me. But if you were willing to fill me in and ALLOW ME TO KNOW THAT IT IS YOU, you'd find me more then willing to get back with you. If only I could know, and not have to wonder, and only then after the fact; believing the testimony of my senses, as limited as they are at any time in question.

Gilthanas, it was never my intention, and I never wanted to send you away. I was, in my own mind, warding off a pest, or someone who I took as commiting what Blizzard would define as physical harassment in their EULA (based on other such encounters, you knew nothing of as you weren't there). In a state of non-recognition and until I remembered that one character was you, I took it as more of the same. It was the non-recognition which resulted in you being told some things never meant for your ears WITHOUT ANY KNOWLEDGE IT WAS YOU. It was never something personal with you. And unless you're willing to come to me AND LET ME KNOW IT IS YOU, there's no chance to set the record straight for either of us.

If I don't recognize you, and voice as much; I'm not intending to "lie" or whatever. I'm speaking the truth AS I KNOW IT, AND CAN PERCIEVE IT AT THE TIME. Instead of getting upset, just take the time to tell me "but I am the one you knew as Gilthanas" or something of the sort. Yes, I'd want to be certain it's you, and perhaps it'd be good if you could do something to let me know it's you. Perhaps tell me something only you and I would know, or whatever. But don't get upset, "frozen" as it were, or expect that it's "well I know otherwise, so you must be lieing". Given we have individual minds, the knowledge of one individual will not be the same as another, who can't help but percieve the environment around them, through their own eyes, in the time/space they're currently occupying. Given this, if you recognize someone but they might be unable to recognize you; it's a good thing to take the time to fill them in ;)
Son_Goku says:
Nov 27, 07 18:24
Gilthanas, I had a horrible thought, but the truth is I'm not in a position to know, and if true then I'm aghast. That the level 2 I mentioned might have been you creating some alt. If it is the case, then there is something I must say, as much as I hate to. Try and be realistic, because expecting people to just KNOW who one is, when they're on some newly created alt is not reality.

Actually, my thoght is more that after what happened before, I couldn't say for certain you wouldn't have come on another alt (this time one there is no possibility I could have ever seen), and expected me to know.

Gilthanas, I would like to see you, and I would like to speak with you; but being cryptic helps nothing. Please listen, I am a human being, as other people are human beings. You and I have our own individual minds, our own individual sets of eyes, and our own individual bodies. It is QUITE IMPOSSIBLE for my physical eyes to see what your eyes see, when we are physically located in 2 different places. I live in New Mexico, you told me you live in Pensylvania, how the hell could I see what's located some 2,000 miles away from me? No photons of light, from where you are, could reach my eye balls. It would be quite impossible for me to actually SEE YOU, as you're sitting behind your monitor. Doing so would require me to suspend the laws of physics somehow. Do you really expect this of me? And if you do, just how do you expect me to accomplish this? Just how many human beings are you aware of who can do this? When I'm sitting in front of the computer, I'm seeing what's ON the monitor, same as you; but this does NOT MEAN that I can see through the monitor, to what is on the other side. Which of the 5 physical senses would allow this to be possible after all?

I haven't seen you, in person anymore then you have seen me in person. Hell I don't even know what your real name is, or vice versa. I happen to know you through the stuff we had done together, and the friendship we developed, but also by association; and in this association to what has been presentable, and recognizeable to my own eyes. This is the character we had played on. When and if you come on another character, you APPEAR TO BE ANOTHER PERSON ENTIRELY, and this is exactly what the eyes show. The name is different, the appearance is different. There is NO WAY the human senses can tell the brain otherwise. If you want to pick up with me on another character, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IT'S YOU. It doesn't work to just expect people to know by magic.

I want to see you Gilthanas, and I've missed you more then you perhaps know. But I can not simply suspend the laws of the universe because it is convenient. Even now, I don't know this Zephirus char or whatever was you. What I did know is that some lvl 2 was making a random party invite without speaking first, just like a spam bot is prone to do since Blizzard elliminated /w on 10 day trial accounts. I also know the realm has many beggers for gold, instnace rushes, and rushes through game. Such beggers, I have absolutely no interest in interacting with.

If you know otherwise, (as you would hold self awareness), then you need to come out and be a little more explicit. One last comment. If a person is speaking in terms of what they can see, what they can touch, and what they know; then they are NOT LIEING, even if another party might know otherwise.

No one on this planet is omniscient, and I'm no exception. The moment one starts defining truth in that way; they end up with what can become a rather oppressive construct for the people around then, which doesn't even allow for the limitations of the human senses, or the confinements our own perceptions can place upon each and every one of us.

If this wasn't you, then never mind about that; but if you ever do decide to contact me again as I hope you do, plz BE EXPLICIT, and not cryptic in letting me know it is you ;)
Son_Goku says:
Nov 21, 07 08:01
Gilthanas, so much has happened, I don't even know where to begin. We really should speak; but you still seem to hold this unimabineable belief that I had to know, had to remember some alt we never played with. I don't know why. I can not fathom how you expected me to, or why you wouldn't take have taken the time to let me know it was you, but here we are.

Since that time, I had, many months past been going about my business, when I was struck by a sense of deja vu, only after I moved along to other stuff, that it had been you on this alt (for which I never remembered the name); only to come back, and gone. You don't know what has happened in your absense, some good, some bad, and more then I would even know anymore where to begin. Thing is, I've never been as happy, as I was before this all came to pass and you were gone.

I've had more strange encounters then I would even know where to begin, some very annoying people (and oh yes Jamstarr is back, and has tried to contact me on more then a few occassions, along with some other former members of AoG). For that, I've largely ignored him, and really don't want to get re-acquinted... Same goes for several others.

I've even moved, to get rid of obnoxious neighbors from hell, who kept me up for over a year, to only find surprise, surprise, those same dratted people are re-introduced into my life again having moved next door :( And with all of this, yet you, the one person who I said when the guild first broke up you were last in here "where you go, I go"; are gone, seemingly forever, under some false pretense, and false belief, which you still seem to hold to.

I've had lowbies demand I give them runs, gold, and everything under the sun. I've had people trade window spam my rogue, and with trades blocked demand I pick their lockboxes then and there, when I'm in combat. And in real world, I've got those dratted neighbors again, creditors for the people who used to have my new phone number, and just about everything else. And that isn't to mention the worst luck imageanable where everythign that could go wrong, would.

Just the other day, I had another random level 2, not even bother to speak with me first; but much like the people with my rogue, in that case hit me up with party invites, when of course I'm on my 70. Course last time (on lvl 1 alt when that happened), when I did accept, next thing I know "get mount financing go to www.(some WoW gold site).come, blah, blah, blah" My own stupid fault for having accepted it that one time, but I was on a lvl 1 then.

Course I won't when on a 70, as some random char at that lvl has no legitimate business commissioning lvl 70s to "do stuff for me", spam elicit gold selling sites, or whatever else.

There's so much I'd discuss with you, and would have, if I could. But you're either no where to be found, or if you are around, still staying "just outa reach", as if you're expecting me to just recognize you.

Listen to me. I can not. We have seperate minds, you and I; same as with any other human being. No one is omniscient, and no one can be expected to conveniently read each other's minds. I'm sorry, but such is not reality. When in your common experience, has this held true, with practically anyone you have met? I can't just simply "do" what neither yourself, or most anyone you know, would be able to do. It'd be nice perhaps, and perhaps would make things easier; but that doesn't change the limits of the human mind and brain.

Because your main here is gone, there is no other way around it. Expecting me to "just know" as if by magic, or staring through a crystal ball isn't going to necessarily work. I'm sorry, but as much as I would like to see and speak with you again; I can't just instantly do the impossible at a whim. There's no way around it; you'll just have to come out, and TELL ME, rather explicitly. For the life of me, I can't even begin to fathom why this hasn't occured to you. It seems almost unimagineable that you wouldn't realize this, but here we are.

There is one character you left behind on the realm, which I know of. Namely Ryld, who you created with the purpose of levelign with my shamy. I only remembered that, because it was created more recent AND was in my shamies "friend's list". No other alts were, and only 1 you ever showed me, and then to essentially say "this is another one of my characters, but I don't really play him anymore". I'm sorry, but with the almost unimageanable having occured here, you almost need to be prepared to take upon yourself the burden of proof, in proving to me it is you. I considered you to be one of my best friends. I can't simply pick up with any old Joe, I don't even recognize, where you and I left off. I considered you a good friend; I do not consider every last person on this Earth to be a friend of mine ;)
Son_Goku says:
Sep 23, 07 18:53
Gilthanas, I'm not sure how to put this, but I'll try once more, lest you see this. Not certain if you will, or if you would ever have cared. There were only 2 characters I was aware of. This one, and your Ryld char that you created after BC came out when I created my shammy. That char did end up in my shammy's friends list, because we planned on playing them together, whenever you got onto it. I absolutely did not know, or recognize any other character you had. You mentioned having some alts (mostly on other realms), but you never told me any names, and I never asked. If you wanted to tell me that would have been fine, but I wasn't really inclined to ask. With one exception, and it was almost intuition, that when you came back from your trip, I got a certain nudge if you will, to ask you who (well you mentioned havign a blood elf then), what the name was, with a comment that I don't know your alts. But you only had an hour to play, and wanted to get off, having laundry to do before goign to work the next day. Given the time, or lack there of (you really needed to go), and the akwardness, how could I even mention as such out of the blue, or why would I, we said our good byes, and you told me you'd be on tomarrow. My gut feeling was left unheeded, and I saw no reason I should have asked then, anyhow.

After the night, I gather now (I did not gather then) you came to me on this alt, I had long since forgot about, I continued waiting for you to come back, largely not even leveling my guy, and leaving the quests undone (so we could do them together) for almost 2 months. The entire time, I believed the last time we had encountered each other was the night you came back, and we played for an hour, before you needed to do your laundry. I neither knew, nor suspected any latter encounter over that time. It hit me the night before your character first disappeared, and then largely when I was asleep. There's no way I can rationally describe it, it's like I just "found out" while asleep, and somehow knew then. Somehow, I just had a strange sense of inner knowing (after a rather restless, and far from relaxing night's sleeping), which I couldn't understand. It was like "how could this be? How could Gilthanas have possible leveled up a guy in a couple weeks to have been there? That'd be stretching it for me, and he doesn't have the schedule to power level a char from lvl 1 to 43 in 1-2 weeks. I couldn't understand it, which made me doubt my gut feeling, but there it was. It was about a week latter, I remembered you had this one alt, I totally forgot about. So thoroughly forgot, I didn't even remember that anything ever existed. Forget remembering names, or any specifics, knowledge of it's very existence escaped me, and I was completely unaware of it's existence from before you left last year, until it "hit me" this past May or there abouts, in the most absolute of terms.

What you don't know, is along with some of the good things which I mentioned (and there was a lot I came to find out, which put much of my experiences prior to then, which you knew little about) into perspective, was also dealing with ninjas, who would then run around with a sense of entitlement, begging and demanding people give "me more". Grief players (though I didn't know the term then), and a whole lot of other such things. Throw into the midst, neighbor's from hell, who were so loud and obnoxious I coudln't get a night's sleep in about a year, my father having a stroke, family finances going to the crapper, and everything else, I just wasn't in the mood to deal with the sorts of people who were doing this, not so much in the specific, but in the most general of terms. I'm sorry, but when one of one's parents can have a stroke, and end up needing 24/7 care for the rest of their life, another can end up losing her life as she has to take care of him (and since then had "mini-strokes" of her own, that took her short term memory away, and then the family finances fall to the crapper (while one's in college full time and unemployed), so one isn't even sure if there will be a next meal; things in life can come into a certain perspective. And a perspective where the sorts of antics one might get subjected to, just doesn't seem significant, or worth catering to anymore. It's almost like a "I don't want to be bothered with that, why should I care to stick around, and be the recipient of this, when...."

Gilthanas, I was never trying to break things off with you, I never even imagined it was you. I took you for someone else, in particular, one of these other people I'm refering to. If you had either come to me on your main, or were more explicit wrt who you were, nothing would have been said as such, and nothing would have gone down the way it had. It was these griefers, these ninjas who would then stick around after taking and demand "you do for me now"; that I didn't want to be in the company of. Nor did I see your insistance on remaining then, as it being you, I saw it as the insistence of one of these types. You must know the type, the same type that sticks around and if they get no answer, or are told no, will continue to beg for gold, items, or instance runs 10,000 times thinking if they nag enough, people will eventually give into them, because they beg enough.

There was a brief moment, (and only after some things were said, that never should have been said between us), where there was a "gut suggestion" is the best I can describe it, "what if it is Gilthanas?" It wasn't even posed as a knowing, but a suggestion, more a "what if" then anything else. For a moment, I looked for some evidence in the encounter, and scrolled up to see if something might have been said from the time I turned around, that it might be you, and I saw nothing. Before all was said and done, I was unequivocally convinced it had to be someone else, and in particular, one of the people I first thought I was dealing with. I just didn't want to sit around, and go through that then, in the mood I was in, with everything going on in my life as it had been, and tbh when I couldn't even be with the sorts of people I would want to be with, such as yourself. I got the mob (and I did get it after), logged off and got dinner as I had planned. And in the months to follow, I still waited/hoped that you would come back, not having even suspected that you might have come back that whole time. Nor did I ever see anything to suggest to me you had.

There's only one other possibility. Earlier that night, I had conversed with someone in general chat. When the conversation was over, (and I waited for it to look to be over, before going on with my quest), I went on and pulled the mob. As to names, I don't tend to remember names in passing; and given what I had remembered wrt what we did together, it might be hard for you to believe. My memory is not perfect, with everything however, and I'm also human. Not to mention, unless something seems significant to me, I don't always pay attention to it. In any case, when the conversation was over, I went onto my quest, because I KNEW that with difficult quests (for instnace soloing an elite 2 lvls above one), it would take ALL OF MY CONCENTRATION to work out the kill, upon first attempt. I didn't want to appear rude, and just bail, but I couldn't devise a strategy for such a kill, and execute it, while allowing myself to be distracted by general chat.

As such, when I get in such battles, I'm not distracted, I just don't pay attention. My concentration is good enough, that it doesn't bother me, I just don't notice it. If you made mention to who you were while I was in battle there, and working it out, I never saw it, and anything read I never even read. As to what I was doing, I had soloed King Bangalash on my hunter at lvl 40 (dif realm, and newer hunter), but I read on thott where one person bragged at soloing it on their warrior at lvl 41. I wanted to see if I could be just as good as he, and pull it off myself, hence what I was doing. Hence also why I waited for any convs to be done, so I could focus on the battle enough to attempt that, while having really no strategy to go on (had to work it out myself as I went along). I won't say it was as easy as that guy said, and I did have to work out exactly when to pop off cooldowns, and in what order, what buffs to apply through potions and other stuff, when to pot, etc; but after that encounter I did finally get it sorted out. Outside any comments I might have made before all was said and done, I really wasn't listening to anything, playing quite litterly at my limits, and needing every ounce of concentration, possible.

I will say a few things, for whatever it might be worth at this point. I never did see another guy walking away. After all was said, I turned around to see if I could catch whoever took the kill then right out from under me, and I saw only one person, who in retrospect I gather was you, but AT THE TIME I DID NOT RECOGNIZE AND ONLY SAW A COMPLETE STRANGER. As to the suggestion for what I didn't see, sorry to say, but whereas I can give a trusted friend the benefit of the doubt, when it comes to complete strangers who might get caught "red handed", there isn't that level of trust. There's a reason for this. At the moment people might say anything, and one doesn't know the character of one they don't know. Your father is a cop, I'm sure he's run into it. Pull someone over, who crashed into another car for instance, and the stories one might get when confronting them, lol Things like "officer, I was driving along when the parked car hit me" :D Needless to say, if I would have known it was you, nothing would have happened as it had. Anything said was not meant for your ears at all, but rather was being said to that someone else, I thought you were.

There is a couple other things I'll mention, which you know nothing of, and probably never suspected. Hell, I doubt anyone else guessed anything was bothering me last November-December either. Heck, I can lvl so fast, even if I'm wanting to get away and not do much, I could still out-level most, and it wouldn't seem apparent to people.

When you left in November, I didn't know the reason. TBH, and after we had trouble getting you the frostmaul giants (first time we ever encountered any challenge we couldn't meet together), I wasn't sure that you didn't leave because of me. And to the point, because I let you down, and then we had an apparent disagreement comming from that. What you also don't know, is that when my first char hit lvl 60, everything wasn't what I was expecting it to be, and I had a couple rude awakenings if you will. We owned the crap out of everything we encountered before that point. However, there were times when, the big complaint I got was that my paladin, geared in the greens I was leveling through the 50s in, didn't out-DPS people who had been 60 for months and was already in epics. I get it now, and today, I wouldn't just sit there as it was all being said, and end up feeling useless in the end.

That was some of the conversations I had with one person in particular. Someone who actually had been raiding for years, and got further along at that time, then we all had. He listened to what happened, as I told him in explicit detail my experiences then, and then was like "oh boy..." He also told me about the first guild he was in. and yes gear, and being able to gear up, does matter. Lets just say, a real eye opener, especially putting what I was being almost called on the floor too, now mentioning it with someone who was doing end game for like 2 years by then. He also was like "no matter how good you might become, there's just some people who are so harsh, that they'll never give you a chance, because you weren't there the day your first char dinged 60".

Anyhow, put that together, where we hit the first challenge we couldn't meet, and here I was the lvl 60, you were the lvl 57, and to make matters worse after the fact it was like "sorry I couldn't get it for you then", but I should have been the one capable of doing more :( Heck, there was stuff you soloed on your hunter at lvl 52, I couldn't at 60, certainly in the gear I had. A lot of perspective was to come, which is also why I have such a big focus on gearing up now. But that said, when I leveled my hunter, I saw HOW you did it, as I was taking the quests down a level before you had. Mind you, I got some better gear, and had done a little end game by then and had that experience, so was able to bring some of that with me. You thought I was trying to "one up" you, I was really trying to prove that I could be as good as you, and in the process pushed my self so hard, I ended up getting stuff done earlier. I also concluded at that point, that I hadn't been leading you on, as I had come to suspect that night. Then I was wondering if I had really helped you, or somehow had you believing I had, when you were willing to do for me. It was then like "how could I have? When he can do, x, y, and z, and I..." I having remembered the times we had together when I relived them, knew I had, and I hadn't just lead you on or something. I also knew that much of the difference in experiences related to differences in our respective character classes, as I could now solo much of this myself".

In the midst of all this, it wasn't easy "re-living" every single fricken memory of the times we had together WHILE EVERYONE WAS TELLING ME YOU WERE GONE FOR GOOD. And I had no reason to assume it wasn't the case. It was the need to prove myself that kept me going then, and even then, I didn't always want get the constant reminder of times gone by, that couldn't be anymore. And so when my warrior was close to lvl 40, and it was happening all over again, it was like "no fricken way. Not this again". You didn't know, and never had reason to suspect (especially as I never said anything), that it would be much to my dis-like to re-due everything you and I had ever done together, yet a third, time, where again it was anyone's guess if we'd ever see each other again. I didn't level any guy through that, for like 4 months, and only then, and with the memory not so "fresh in mind" was I even ready to do it again.

Last thing I knew for certain, you told me was "I'll be on tomarrow" after mentioning you had to get laundry done for work, and left. I was on then, and never saw you. I relogged when I never had, and went to do other stuff, because I just didn't want to go and re-due all the stuff we did together, when it was like "not again"... I just couldn't believe I'd end up having to do all the stuff we had fun doing the first time. Somehow, doing everything you and I had done, 1 month after we had done it, with everyone telling me you were gone for good, just killed the memory, and the fun from the first time. I just wasn't looking forward to repeating it all, under such circumstances, yet again.
Son_Goku says:
Jul 08, 07 19:00
Gilthanas, I don't get it. I don't get how you can so thoroughly believe that I would have recognized this one character of yours, so thorougly as to not even question whether it would be humanly possible to even do so. I forgot about the guy last October. I didn't even know that such a guy existed before this May.

How could I be expected to have remembered? Seriously, when I remembered, I remembered this; and nothing that would make it stand out. It was the second night we were playing. You asked if you could help someone with something, that you had promised. I was like sure. You relogged, told the person specifically "This is another one of my characters. BUT I DON'T REALLY PLAY HIM ANYMORE." I only saw the char very briefly, in the time it took you to leave town, and as far as I know had never seen the char since, until I'm gathering... We spoke a little more that night before you went to bed, but through whispers only.

Now I did debate at that time whether to add the alt to friends list, but decided against it, given your own indication that you don't play it, my list was already filling up, and the size limit isn't without limit. Not too long after, I forgot about it, until all of this had long since happened.

Do you really believe it is fair to expect me to have just remembered as such under the circumstance? You've come back from vacation lasting a couple weeks, and forgot that your char was a skinner. But 5 months after the fact, I'm expected to just remember this, down to the guy's name and everything else, without question? :( I just don't get it.

In order to have known, what you seem to unquestionably believe I must have known, would have required me to either be psychic and some sort of a mind reader, else it would have required me to be omniscient. When and how often do you encounter people who fit such a bill? Does it really seem fair to expect me to have some supernatural abilities that most people one tends to encounter, doesn't have? I just don't get why you seem to have expected and believed that this would be the case.

Perhaps it's the same reason some call into tech support when having computer problems; and for some unknown reason believe the support person will know exactly what's wrong with their box, some few thousand miles away, without having to even tell the person what's going on with the thing. Questions of "what are you trying to do and what's happening" can be met with "I don't know, you're the expert, you tell me". Only problem, knowing something about computers doesn't mean that one views the world through someone elses eyeballs, or that they're going to see what's taking place in a room they're not present in.

Sigh... People seem to do this, but I don't get it; given people don't tend to be able to do it themself either.
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